


you could bring my healing

by cosmicocean



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Magic, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Slow Burn, canon has been ransacked for parts which have been distributed as necessary, fantasy references that are both gratuitous and shameless, faranda is referenced but it's not enough to go in the ship tag, no matter the universe blackwing is just full of assholes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 11:49:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 38,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14111721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicocean/pseuds/cosmicocean
Summary: "You see, I believe in the fundamental interconnectedness of all things.”“…the fundamental what?”“The fundamental interconnectedness of all things. You see, I’m a holistic… something. I’m not sure.”“Dragon?”“Sure, yes, I suppose. Anyhow, the term ‘holistic’ refers to my convictions about the, you know, aforementioned-““Fundamental interconnectedness of all things.”“Yes."Where the whole thing takes place in a fantasy world that is not unlike but not quite mostly for legal reasons Ankh-Morpork, Dirk is generally an existential dragon, Todd is a washed up electrical lute player, everyone is kind of awkward and useless except maybe for Amanda, and there is a boatload of fantasy references, plus one (1) Star Wars one.





	you could bring my healing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DontOffendTheBees](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontOffendTheBees/gifts).



> It has literally been so long since I posted a fic longer than 5k that I had to go and look at my other fics to look at their summaries and tags to see how I did it.
> 
> ANYWAY LOOK AT THIS EXTREMELY LATE CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR HELEN, AKA DON'T-OFFEND-THE-BEES!!! They requested a fantasy AU, and I'm not going to lie, when they requested it, for about two minutes I was like "jeez, I dunno if I can pull that off" and then the basic idea for this came to me and I jotted out a very rough outline of the first two thirds or so. Then I got writer's block that lasted for many months. Many thanks to Helen for being so patient, and for being a lovely awesome person in general!!!! You are a most honorable excellent bean, my dear, and happy Christmas in March.
> 
> A QUICK NOTE BEFORE YOU GO INTO THIS FIC: all of this was outlined before season two, so there is no Priest, Mona, Wendimoor, or really any characters or plot devices from season two. There was just no way to get them in there, although I did throw some lines in from season two where they could fit. There is also no Ken or Bart, unfortunately, because I tried a couple different ways to fit them in here, and I couldn't make it go. They exist in this universe, though, even though they're not mentioned. Canon has also been pretty severely thrown about here, and the actual Patrick Spring case is jumped over quite a bit because it just wasn't something that needed to be detailed here.
> 
> OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH OF MY BABBLING ENJOY THE FIC THERE ARE NOTES AT THE BOTTOM

“Look,” Todd says, shaking the bag of gold at Nelson, the potions merchant. “I know, I _know_ it’s not quite all there, but listen-“

Nelson folds her arms. “Why should I give you a discount, Brotzman?”

Todd resists the urge to grit his teeth or start shouting. “It’s not _my_ discount,” he tells her. “It’s _Amanda’s._ You’ve met Amanda, Nelson, I brought her with me once, you talked about music, you _liked_ her. I’ll pay you back, I promise, this’ll last her a month or so and I can have the money by then, but I’ve never done this before with you and she _needs_ this, it’ll help with the curse at least _some,_ just, _please._ ”

Nelson scrutinizes him for another few seconds where Todd holds his breath. Then she sighs, holding out the bundle of vials he needs, motioning for him to give her the bag of gold. “You don’t get another one of these, Brotzman.”

“I know, thank you, thank you so much, I owe you, I mean, I guess literally, but also, listen, just, thanks.” He gratefully takes the bundle and a rare smile flickers across Nelson’s face.

“You’re a good brother, kid.”

Todd’s stomach lurches a little. No, he isn’t. He nods awkwardly and makes a hasty exit.

 

Walking through the High Street of the city carrying things that could break (including the bones in your body, really) is always a gamble. Todd keeps the parcel close to his chest as he tries to navigate street vendors, clusters of people, horses, carts, carriages, really anything that could hit him and break the vials. He’s almost tap dancing at certain points, but eventually he makes it to Amanda’s house, tucked down a side street a little out of the way. It takes him nearly forty minutes to walk there, and about fifteen after he manages to hitch a ride on the back of a cart without anyone noticing, and as he knocks on her door, his feet are killing him. He still smiles at her when she opens the door.

“Hey!”

“Hey!” Amanda beams at him, brown hair almost blending in with the dull, slouchy dress she’s wearing. “You came!”

“Of course I came. Did you think I wouldn’t come?” He walks into the house, gently putting the package down on her table. “So, that should be enough for the next three weeks or so, right? Maybe a month? That’ll do it?”

“Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” She smiles at him so fondly that it cracks his heart and his stomach open a little. “Thank you, Todd.” She hugs him. He hugs her back, feeling that guilt in his veins, per usual, per always. “How was work?”

“Oh… it was work.”

Amanda raises her eyebrows at him. He recognizes that look and knows what’s coming before he says it. “Liar.”

The word punches him in the gut with the force of its unknown and mostly unintended accuracy. “Who, me?”

“Yeah, you.” She punches him in the arm lightly. “You’re shit at lying about little things to me.”

That’s true enough, he supposes, and acknowledges it with a little nod.

“So, come on. How shit was the day?”

“Pretty shit.”

“Ugh, you _gotta_ give me more than that, come on, I don’t leave the _house_ , I don’t have a lot to _entertain_ me here. Shitty guest? Shitty _guests_ , plural? Was your manager a dick? Do an impression of him.”

As always, her boundless enthusiasm stabs at him. “…I got fired.”

Amanda’s eyes widen. “ _What?_ ”

“Yeah.”

“Holy shit. On what grounds?”

Todd sighs. “A couple days ago-“

“A couple _days_ ago?”

“Yeah.”

“And you didn’t tell me any of this?”

Todd shrugs awkwardly. He’d honestly hoped he could just… sweep it under the rug for the next few days until he figured out what he was gonna do. He can’t believe he thought he’d have any luck with that.

“Okay, fine, whatever, a couple days ago, explain.”

“A couple days ago, the tavern announced they needed less waiters than they had, and I’d been there the shortest, so I was the logical one to cut.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.” He knows he keeps saying that. He doesn’t know what else to say.

“Wait, could you afford the-“ she gestures back at the package of potions sitting on her table.

“Yeah, completely. Not a problem. Don’t worry about it.” Amanda’s got that look that says she doesn’t buy it, as well as the one that precedes her saying something about him being too good for her, which he can’t bear right now, so he swiftly moves on. “I just have to find another job. It’ll be fine. It’s fine.”

“What about your rent now, though? Didn’t your landlord just get killed or whatever?”

Dorian had, on the grounds that (according to the two members of the Watch that had come round, anyway, the one with the eyebrows and the one who looked at Todd far too keenly for comfort) he’d sold a large amount of drugs to an astonishing amount of people. “Yeah, but, I mean, maybe it means that I won’t have to pay rent for a little longer. You know, while they find me… another drugged up landlord. Don’t worry about it.” Another drugged up landlord, at least, who won’t know that Todd stole from the one before them to pay for Amanda’s treatments, so that’s something.

Amanda purses her lips. Todd hates that look on her.

“Hey, I brought my electrical lute. You wanna jam?”

 

They play for a while, and when they’re done and the look on Amanda’s face lightens, Todd thinks that she’s forgotten about it, but he should have known her better.

“I have an idea for you.”

“Idea of what?”

“About what to do.”

“What to do what?” Normally he’d be saying that just to fuck with her, but he genuinely doesn’t understand.

“ _You._ ” She elbows him as she makes macaroni and cheese. Todd usually tries to cook for her when he’s over, but she’s insisted on doing it now. Probably because she feels bad for him. Which she shouldn’t. Ever. “You, plan, money, life.”

Todd grimaces. “I told you not to-“

“Yeah, I know, don’t worry about it, blah blah blah, whatever. Listen. You know Mount Icarus?”

“Yeah?”

“I think you gotta climb it.”

“… _what?_ ”

“Yep.”

Todd gapes at her. “ _Why?_ ”

“Cause there’s supposed to be a dragon there.”

“ _That’s a reason to avoid the mountain._ ”

Amanda rolls her eyes. “Toooooodd. Don’t be dumb.”

“I’m not the one suggesting-“

“Don’t you know _anything_ about quests?”

“No. I thought knights were posers and I had disdain for their general culture.”

“Well, I got hit on by a lot of knights in high school, and they liked to talk about all the big quests they went on-“

“I don’t wanna hear this.”

“That’s not where this story is going.”

“Wait, how old were those knights? How old were _you?_ Who-“

“Todd. It is way too late for you to kick the asses of names of dudes I have pretty much forgotten. And also, stop interrupting me, or I will kick the shit out of you, I don’t care if I have an attack halfway through, I’ll just start kicking your ass again when it’s done, _that’s_ how serious I am.”

Todd tries to push his thoughts of beating up dudes trying to get laid with his teenage sister away. It’s never been easy, but she’s got her “remember when I shoved gum in your hair for being a douchebag when I was eight” look, so he makes the effort. “I’m listening.”

“Knights go on quests to see dragons.”

“And do what?”

“Did you not even listen to the stories we were told when we were kids, honestly, Todd.”

Todd remembers. “Oh, right.” Then what he remembers actually catches up with him. “Hang on, sorry, did you want me to _kill_ a fucking _dragon?_ ”

“I mean, not _necessarily._ You can ask it for wisdom, sometimes. They’re supposed to have some of that. _And_ if you _gotta_ kill the dragon, I’m _sure_ there’s a bounty out on him.”

Todd grimaces. “I don’t _want_ to kill him.”

“Then just ask it for wisdom.”

“I dunno, Amanda, it’s a long walk, and it’s up a mountain, and-“

“Dude, you have no job and no money. What the hell have you got to lose?”

It’s a fair point. Todd opens his mouth, closes it again, and sighs.

“Okay. Well. Look. I’ll think about it, okay?”

 

This was, Todd thinks, a bad decision.

He leans on his sword for what’s got to be the fifth or sixth time, panting heavily. The sun is beating down hot, and it’s already warm, _and he’s in full fucking armor._ This was a bad idea. He can’t believe he let Amanda talk him into this.

He continues his slog up the mountain, finally reaching a plateau of sorts and sinking to his knees.

“Fucking hell,” he mutters, panting a little. Mountains are so high. Armor is so heavy. Everything is so awful. “Fucking hell, Amanda gets no more ideas.”

“Are you all right?”

Todd looks up at the sound of the vaguely surprised and cautious but overall pleasant voice. He realizes that the plateau he’s stopped at is right in front of the mouth of a very large and dark cave, and poking out of that mouth is a giant yellow dragon head, blinking a bright blue eye at him. Todd jumps a little, but he’s too exhausted to do much more than that.

“Yeah,” he gasps. “Yeah, I’m fine, just give me a minute.”

The dragon cocks his head. “Are you _sure?_ ” His voice doesn’t sound at all deep or growly like Todd might have expected a dragon to sound, but instead pretty normal. The accent is different than the normal city one, but other than that, he sounds like someone Todd could’ve bumped into on the street.

“Uh-huh.”

“Only you don’t look all right.”

“You live near the top of a mountain and it’s hot and I’m wearing armor.”

“It never seemed to bother the other knights.”

“I’m not a knight.”

“Really? But you’ve got the armor.”

“Armor doesn’t make you a knight.”

“Oh. Hm. I suppose that makes sense, yes.”

Todd still feels like his skin wants to melt off. “Look, uh, do you mind if I just lie down for a second?”

“You’re not worried that I’m going to roast you?”

“I’m going to roast myself if I don’t just rest.”

“By all means. The impracticalities of the armor had never occurred to me to before, but yes, it _does_ seem like this would be a major shortcoming.”

Todd slowly lies down. The lack of movement is helpful, even if the armor is still heavy and sweaty.

“You can take all that off, you know, I’m not _actually_ going to roast you.”

Todd cracks an eye open. The dragon’s head is peering over him now. Todd’s not naturally gifted at reading expressions on dragon faces, and he can’t see really well through the visor in the helmet anyway, so he can’t be sure, but he thinks he sees concern in his eyes. “How do I know you’re not only saying that so you can kill me once I’m out of it?”

The dragon huffs in what Todd’s pretty certain is a scoff. “You can’t even stand up and you’ve dropped your sword over there. I could kill you _now_ if I wanted to.”

Fair point. It’s probably not wise, but Todd’s not thinking clearly, and even knowing these things doesn’t stop him from tugging off his helmet and chucking it away. The dragon blinks again and rears his head back. Todd closes his eyes in case he’s about to be all burnt up because he’d rather not see it beforehand, but the fire doesn’t come, instead a gentle cool current drifting along the plateau waving over his face. He winks one eye open to see a very, _very_ large wing tentatively fluttering back and forth above him, creating a small breeze.

“Oh. Thanks.”

“No trouble.”

Todd closes his eyes again, eventually taking off all that’s left of his armor off until he’s just in his regular loose shirt and pants. The dragon stops what he’s doing after a bit, which Todd is grateful for, because he’s about cooled off well enough that he doesn’t need it anymore, but doesn’t know how to ask him to stop.

“I have a question,” the dragon says not too long after that. “Did you come up here to kill me?”

Todd shuffles, feeling a little awkward and guilty now that the dragon’s been so nice to him. “I mean.” He sits up now, finally feeling able, and looks over at the dragon, who doesn’t seem (again, as best as he can tell) upset, just curious. “It was an _option_ , I guess. That or talking to you. I’m not very good at the whole… slaying thing, I’m more of a tavern brawl punchy kind of guy. I dunno. I didn’t really have much of a plan.”

“Then why did you come?” The dragon’s settled himself a little further closer to the mouth of the cave and is resting comfortably in a big heap. “I’m _very_ curious, you know, no one ever comes to see me unless they’re brandishing a sword and shouting about vanquishing my evil ways, so I think the universe must have brought you to me for a reason.”

An existential dragon sounds like the beginning of a setup to a bad joke, but Todd rolls with it. “…do you even _have_ evil ways?” It definitely doesn’t seem like it. The dragon doesn’t even seem annoyed that Todd’s come up here with a sword.

“No, which is one of the reasons it’s so baffling. I just sort of sit here.”

“Don’t you get bored?” The dragon does some shuffling of his own, but something occurs to Todd and he changes tack. “Hang on, if other knights have been to fight you and they’ve lost, where are their, you know…”

“What?”

“Corpses?”

The dragon snorts, a rush of breath that lightly ruffles Todd’s hair. “I haven’t killed a one of them.”

“What? But they-“

“Yes, every once in a while one of them likes to come up here and wave their sword about and bluster, and every time I scare the shit out of them, sometimes literally, and I pick them up and give them a long stern talking to about how flames are, in general, hot, and painful to experience, and probably quite painful to experience during the stretch of time it takes to kill someone with them, and they agree with me that it’s for the best that they walk right back down the mountain and leave me alone.” The dragon seems to actually shrug. “They babble sometimes and as near as I can tell they go home to their families, make them swear never to reveal that they lost against me and spread rumors of their tragic but heroic deaths, and pack up and head to a different town.”

Todd thinks this over. “How are their deaths heroic if they didn’t actually kill you?”

“I’ve wondered that for a long time and I think it’s a whole martyrdom thing.”

He smiles a little, shaking his head and looking out over the plateau. It’s a nice view, Todd able to see the forest that separates the city and the mountain, and the city on the edge of it.

“I can see my sister’s street from here,” he murmurs. It’s not an extremely high vantage spot, dizzying but not to the point where he’s nauseous, but he can still see Amanda’s rickety side alley of a street.

“So?”

“So what?”

“So why are you here?”

“I…” Todd trails off. The dragon deserves an answer. He did come up here with voiced intentions to kill him, after all, and even if he knows he’d have never actually done it, he still _said_ he might, and that probably means he’s owed an explanation. He’s trying to figure out how to say it, what to hold back, how to do this, when it suddenly comes rushing out. “Do you ever just… feel trapped, and you don’t know what to do, so you decide to do one really stupid, weird, crazy thing to try and weasel your way out of that feeling?”

He looks over at the dragon, who’s silent for a few seconds. Then he reaches out and brings his claw close to Todd. For a split second, he thinks he might be about to get a lecture on the dangers of fire, before the claw pauses right in front of him, and Todd suddenly has an idea of what it’s there for.

“Dirk,” the dragon says.

Todd shakes the claw, his hand not able to completely wrap around it. “Todd.”

 

“…and I’ve been fired from my latest job, and now my landlord’s dead, and the new landlord’s probably gonna be okay with the same payment structure, yeah, but I don’t have any way to _pay_ them, even though the new one won’t know that I stole from the _other_ landlord, and I just spent the last of my money on Amanda’s treatments, and she suggested I try coming up here and asking you for, I dunno, wisdom, or maybe just… killing you and taking the reward for you, sorry.”

Dirk waves a claw, narrowly missing Todd, who leans back a little to avoid it. “Oops, sorry. Anyhow, don’t worry about it! Everyone’s had far worse motivations for coming up here to kill me, yours are, well, _noble_ , to be perfectly honest.”

Todd shrugs, looking out at the forest again. He hadn’t told him about faking the pararibulitis. He’s never said it aloud and doesn’t really want to do so now.

“I’m afraid I don’t have any wisdom. I don’t know very much, you see, I’m not one of those grand old wise dragons, I’m thirtysomethingishpossiblyIthink, so I don’t know much about the world.”

Todd wants to say something about how he looks pretty big for a dragon that’s pretty young, but he doesn’t know if that’s weird. He doesn’t know how he’d feel if someone commented on that kinda thing if he was a dragon, so he just ignores that. “That’s okay.”

“I mean, I can’t help you, or your situation, so-“

“No, it’s…” Todd shakes his head. “It’s fine. Really. It was good to just… have someone to talk to.”

Dirk rests his head on his scaly yellow paws. “You don’t have anyone else?”

“I have Amanda. And me.” Todd shakes his head again, feeling like it’s more to dislodge the gloominess from it than anything. “What about you? What’s your deal?”

“Oh, you know.” Dirk plows through before Todd can point out that those three words aren’t actually an answer. “Is there perhaps anything you can sell off to get more money?”

Todd thinks about it. “I could sell this sword off, I guess.”

Dirk frowns. “Won’t you need it?”

He shrugs. “I mean, I don’t run into a lot of sword situations very often. I’ll just buy a bat of some kind, if I think it’ll help moneywise.”

“You missed an excellent opportunity to call it a swordtuation.”

“I really don’t think I did.”

Dirk laughs. It’s a relatively charming sound and Todd grins. Dirk’s bathed in different colors, he realizes. It’s gotten darker when he wasn’t paying attention, the sun approaching setting. He sighs.

“I have to go,” he says, a little reluctantly. “Amanda’s going to worry if I don’t get back before the end of the night.”

“Oh. Right. Yes. Of course. Here, let me get your armor for you.”

Todd groans as Dirk sweeps the armor towards him with his paw. “Right. I have to wear that again.”

“Well, at least it’s a little cooler now, and it’s all downhill from here.”

“That’s true, I guess.” Todd tugs on the armor, finishing with yanking on the helmet. He faces Dirk, who he thinks might look… forlorn? He can’t tell. He’s going mostly off the eyes for all of this. “Thanks. For not killing me right off the bat, and for talking to me.”

“Thank you for the same.” There’s definitely a note of melancholy in his voice, but it sounds like he’s trying to cloak it. “You’re the first person to have a real conversation with me in seventeen years. I enjoyed it very much.”

Todd doesn’t really know what to say to that. “Glad I could help.” He sheaths his sword. “It was nice to meet you, Dirk.”

“Nice to meet you, Todd.”

Todd lingers for just another moment before he turns around and starts his path back down the mountain.

 

He gets back to Amanda’s house about half an hour after it gets properly dark, and when she opens her door to him in a flurry she attacks him in a giant hug and stays that way until she declares that his armor is too uncomfortable to stay wrapped around and lets him go, instead dragging him in so she can make him hot chocolate. Todd takes off all his armor and sits on her couch. After a couple minutes, a warm mug is thrust into his hands and Amanda sits across from him, cross legged on her coffee table.

“So, did you defeat them?” she asks excitedly. “Or did you even fight them? What were they like? Were they old? Were they wise? Were they mean?”

“He was… nice.” Todd takes a sip of his beverage. “He was really nice.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. A little… esoteric, maybe, but he was really kind. I liked talking to him.”

“Huh. Could he help you?”

“No.”

Amanda blows all the air out of her cheeks. “Fucking bummer, dude.”

Todd shrugs and takes another sip of his hot chocolate.

“Hey, what’s that in your armor?”

Todd blinks as Amanda picks up his helmet and tugs something shiny that looks like it was wedged in somewhere out of his helmet before she hands it to him. Todd turns over the golden necklace. It’s not particularly ornate or lavish, but it’s heavy, and it’s probably worth a good chunk of money. It makes sense, in a way- he’d thought his helmet felt a little weird on the way down.

“Where did this come from?” he mumbles.

“Didn’t you just buy this armor the other day?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe the previous owner got it stuck in there somehow.”

“How, though?”

“I dunno.” She claps Todd on the shoulder. “Don’t look a gift necklace in the mouth, dude.”

 

The money Todd gets from pawning the necklace when he wakes up early the next morning is enough that he can continue to eat for a little while, and that he can put a little aside for the next time he’s got to pay rent. Amanda’s got enough medicine for the next few weeks, too, so he’s going to be okay on that front. It’s a rare turn of good luck, and it means Todd should have enough security that going out and looking for a job would be less terrifying.

Which is why, naturally, he’s instead lying on his floor, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about how Dirk had changed the subject so quickly when Todd had asked if he had anyone else, and how he’d been funny and kind, and just generally pretty nice to hang out with. He hasn’t had anyone to talk to who that wasn’t Amanda in forever, and while he loves her dearly, she’s still his sister, and the dynamic is different. Not to mention the awful soul crushing guilt that comes with seeing her.

Todd sighs, coming to a decision. He gets up off the floor, dusts himself off a little, and heads for the door.

 

The climb is easier this time thanks to the lack of a fuckton of armor that he (wisely, he thinks) left at home this time. He also left the sword behind. He doesn’t think he’s gonna need it.

When Todd makes it to the mouth of the cave again, he still sits down. It’s not _that_ much easier. After a few moments, Dirk’s head pokes out of the darkness once more, suddenly a pleasant, shimmery green, sort of like a dark moss color. He rears back a little, blinking.

“Oh,” he says. “Hello.”

“Hey,” Todd answers, already starting to get retroactively anxious about making this decision.

“How did the walk back down go, then?”

“I survived it.”

“Obviously, I suppose.”

“You’re green now.” He adds doubting himself about Dirk’s actual hue to all his other sudden doubts. “Right? You weren’t green yesterday?”

“It changes from day to day. I don’t know why.” Dirk clears his throat. “So, er. Why are you here? I can’t do anything to help you or your situation.”

Todd shrugs a little awkwardly. “I’m here cause… it was nice to talk to you yesterday. And I thought it might be good to… keep talking.”

Was that bad? It sounded bad. It hadn’t even sounded that good in his head, but it had sounded worse coming out. Yeah, it’s bad. Dirk’s probably going to just flick him off the mountain and he’ll deserve it.

Dirk doesn’t, though. Instead he blinks again before he settles in the mouth of the cavern, dropping his head to rest on the ground, Todd thinks so he can look at him more on his level.

“I’d like to keep talking,” he says. “What would you like to say?”

 

Todd tells Dirk stories about the city. Dirk seems to have only a cursory knowledge of it, which makes sense, considering Todd hasn’t heard any stories of a dragon rampaging through the city in the past thirty someodd years. He doesn’t want to hear stories about any major events, though. He wants to hear little things, about what the streets look like at their busiest, what the inside of the stores look like, how the streets smell.

“I remember them smelling like horse shit,” Dirk says, a little reminiscently. “Do they still? Is it still bad?”

Todd shrugs. “It’s not as bad as it was when I was a kid. Lord Spring really pushed to get better pickup and when Lord Spring pushes for stuff, it usually gets done.”

“I don’t think he was around when I was.”

“He showed up about seventeen or eighteen years ago, I guess. The first steady Lord we’ve had since the days of Zachariah Webb. He’s like a… benevolent tyrant.” Todd frowns, something occurring to him. “Hang on, how do you remember what the streets smell like? When were you in the city?”

Dirk blinks and then does the shrug thing again, wings shuffling a little. “I was much smaller.”

Makes sense. Someone smuggling a baby dragon into a bag or something wouldn’t be even close to the most illegal thing that’s ever happened in the city. “Well, the city runs a lot better now that he’s around.”

“Was he elected?”

“Ostensibly.” Todd leans forwards a little. “What do you remember about the city?”

Dirk smiles. Even with all his teeth showing, it fails to be intimidating, just happy. “There were so many people. I’d never seen that many before. No one was looking at me, no one was paying any attention to me, no one was yelling at me. They were all just bustling, going about their day. And the stores! There were so many for clothes and food and things I’d never even heard of. It was _incredible._ I’d never seen anything like it before, and I don’t think I’ll ever see anything like it again.”

Todd thinks about it. “Then some of my crankier stories about the things I don’t like in the city probably weren’t up your alley, huh?”

Dirk’s smile fades a little. “Lots of things that are nice can be… less nice, in certain ways. You just have to learn to tell the difference between the ones that are genuinely nice with some flaws and the ones that just… seem nice but aren’t.”

He seems a little more pensive, so Todd says “you want me to tell you about the time my sister and I accidentally hit a ball through the window of one of the witches down the street and she started firing curses and I quacked like a duck for two days?”

Dirk brightens a little. “Please.”

 

The day passes with more stories, Todd drinking from his water bottle and taking bites of the snacks he’d put in his bag. He discovers Dirk has a sense of humor, but it’s the sort of sense of humor that masquerades as utter sincerity, which makes it tricky to determine when he’s using it. Todd keeps telling him little things about the city, about his sister, about his life. Dirk asks bright questions, gives input, possibly uses that sly wit, Todd’s not entirely sure. His grins are numerous, though, wide and understandably toothy, so Todd knows he’s enjoying himself. His grins aren’t intimidating, despite their size and the fact that they’re attached to a dragon. They feel… goofy, in a way.

When Todd stands to leave, Dirk picks up the strap of his bag with a talon and gives it to him.

“Thanks,” Todd blurts out. “For, uh. Tolerating my… sudden presence. Again.”

“I enjoyed tolerating you.”

“That’s… good.” Todd awkwardly turns to head back down the mountain. It feels like a poor goodbye, but he’s never been particularly good at them, and he doesn’t know what to say.

“You could suddenly present again.”

Todd turns around, blinking. He wonders if Dirk’s face is actually a slightly darker shade of green than it was before or if it’s all in his head. “What?”

“I meant.” Dirk clears his throat, sounding like a storm’s first attempt at a gruff thunderclap. “I would like to tolerate you again. If you would like to…turn up again.”

Todd stares at him. Dirk’s claws shuffle a little underneath him, and it occurs to him that Dirk might be just as bad at interaction as he is.

“I think,” Todd says slowly. “That I’d like to turn up again, if you would really like to tolerate me.”

Dirk gives him one of those giant grins that Todd can already tell is happy. “I really would.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Good.” It’s Todd’s turn to clear his throat. “Um. So. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Todd starts his trek back down the mountain, grinning wide.

 

The next morning, Dirk’s scales are a shimmering blue. Todd doesn’t comment on it this time, instead just sitting on the ground across from him.

“I like your shirt.”

Todd glances down at his short sleeved tunic. It’s a simple black one. “…thanks?”

“It’s nice. Very… dark.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Mm-hm.” Dirk taps his talons on the ground thoughtfully. “You know, Todd, I’m starting to think you’re supposed to be here.”

“I mean, I am, right? You _did_ invite me to hang out here, didn’t you?” Todd’s suddenly gripped with the anxiety that he _didn’t_ , and Dirk’s now just being nice and _genuinely_ tolerating his presence, and not pretending that he’s tolerating him instead of enjoying him being around.

“What? Oh, yes, of course, I was a little worried it was too subtle-“ Todd snorts. Dirk ignores it. “But I did. No, I think universally speaking you’re supposed to be here.”

“Universally speaking?”

“Yes. You see, I believe in the fundamental interconnectedness of all things.”

“…the fundamental what?”

“The fundamental interconnectedness of all things. You see, I’m a holistic… something. I’m not sure.”

“Dragon?”

“Sure, yes, I suppose. Anyhow, the term ‘holistic’ refers to my convictions about the, you know, aforementioned-“

“Fundamental interconnectedness of all things.”

“Yes. For example, if I were a, let us say, holistic detective, I would not concern myself with such petty things as fingerprint powder, telltale pieces of pocket fluff and inane footprints.”

“So you would be a detective… who doesn’t find clues?”

“Exactly, correct.”

“That sounds insane.”

Dirk harrumphs. “I would, hypothetically, see the solution to each problem as being detectable in the pattern and web of the whole. The connections between causes and effects are often much more subtle and complex than we, with our rough and ready understanding of the physical world, might naturally suppose.”

“And you’re confident of this?”

“Completely. I used to find cats because of-“ Dirk waves a claw. He’s gotten better at doing so- Todd doesn’t even have to duck. “All the leaf on the stream of creation business.”

“Do you call it that, too?”

“From time to time.”

Todd tries to picture a giant dragon stumbling across kittens. “How did you find cats?”

“Unerringly easily, to be honest.”

“Did they like you?”

“You know, not even then, which is a disappointment, because I’m rather fond of cats. They didn’t like to approach me then and they like to approach me even less now. I think it’s something to do with climbing the mountain, but I think even if I ran into them, they wouldn’t like me.”

Todd thinks it probably has something to do with how they’re no doubt concerned that Dirk would eat them, but he doesn’t bring it up because it’s also probably rude. “Why detective rather than anything else?”

“Why not? I read a lot about detectives when I was a kid, it seemed nice.” Dirk shakes his head a little. “Anyhow, I believe that the web of the universe is reacting once more, and has brought you to me.”

Todd decides against pointing out again how crazy that is again, considering Dirk had completely ignored him the last time he’d said it. “Okay, so, what for?”

“I’m not sure yet. I’m trying to decide whether you’re a clue, an accomplice, or an assistant.”

“…a clue, accomplice, or assistant in what?”

“I’m not sure about that yet, either.”

Todd gives up. “Let me know when you figure it out.”

 

These are the things Todd learns about Dirk:

-the color of his scales change every day, but only between yellow, green, and blue

-he has a lot of feelings about the inner workings of the universe

-when he’s really amused, his laughs start out with ugly snorts and dissolve into giggles, which kind of never fails to amuse Todd

-he likes to use twelve words where one will do

-there’s a crazy amount of gold in his cavern, which Todd sits in sometimes when it’s rainy

 

Another thing Todd learns is why Dirk yawns a lot in the mornings, but he only learns it about a week or so into the ritual of Todd climbing the mountain, something he casually mentions at the end of one of his streams of consciousness.

“I usually spend a good chunk of the night awake.”

Todd blinks. “Really?”

“Yes. I mean, I tend to need less sleep than the rest of you anyway, so normally it evens out.”

“Then aren’t you tired during the day?”

“Well, yes, that’s what the yawning tends to be about in the mornings sometimes.”

Todd frowns. “Are you… sleeping less because I come in the mornings?”

Dirk flutters his wings, which he does when he wants to be evasive, sometimes when he’s nervous. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Dirk, I can come up here later.”

“It’s really not a-“

Todd folds his arms and glares sternly. He has what he thinks is probably a relatively unique experience of seeing a dragon wilt slightly under the gaze of someone much smaller than him.

“You could come up here later, if you wanted,” he says meekly.

“Then I’ll do that.”

 

“Dude,” Amanda says. “He sounds _awesome._ ”

Todd looks up from the sink where he’s doing her dishes. He’d thought about picking up charmed ones for her that would do themselves, but charmed objects are expensive, and it can be a tricky game, buying them used. “Yeah.”

“I can’t believe you’re bros with a dragon now. Your life is so weird.”

Todd can’t deny that, so he shrugs.

“Hey, do you think he’d have any ideas about a way to make the pararibulitis better?” She sounds so hopeful that Todd’s heart cracks a little with the force of the guilt.

“I don’t think so. Sorry. I’ve told him about it before and he didn’t seem to have any insight.”

“You told him about me?”

“Of course I told him about you.” Amanda’s his sister and his only other friend, so he’s not sure why she would assume that he wouldn’t, but he thinks that might cheapen the moment somehow, so he doesn’t say it.

“So he has opinions about me?”

“Yeah.”

“Your _dragon friend_ has _opinions_ about _me_ and you didn’t bring this up?”

Todd rolls his eyes and turns to face Amanda, sitting on her kitchen counter. “Would you like to know my dragon friend’s opinions about you, Amanda?”

“ _Yes_ , dummy, _obviously._ Wait, hang on-“ she does a drum roll on her knees. “Okay, _now_ tell me.”

“He thinks you sound nice.”

“…that feels like kind of a waste of a drum roll.”

Todd rolls his eyes again, something Amanda never fails to bring out in him. “He thinks you sound kind, and funny, and kind of like me but probably nicer, and you probably wouldn’t be quietly but definitely doubtful of his beliefs about the way the universe functions.”

“Oh.” Amanda grins. “Radical. Anything else?”

Todd debates about whether or not to tell her this, but he’s still feeling guilty about the pararibulitis again, so he caves and tells her the truth in a different way. “He seemed confused about why you stayed in your house all the time, because he said if the curse was inside you, he didn’t know why it mattered where you went.”

Amanda blinks. “Huh.” She doesn’t look overly concerned, though, and her silence seems thoughtful while Todd cleans the rest of the dishes.

 

“You play _music?_ ”

Todd tries to recover his metaphorical balance as Dirk cuts him off in the middle of the story he was telling about Amanda. “Uh. Sometimes?”

“And you never _mentioned_ this?”

“It… didn’t come up?”

Dirk’s grinning widely. “What do you play?”

“Lute, mostly. I’ve got an electrical one but I only really play to jam with Amanda these days, she plays drums.”

“You play electrical lute and you just decided not to mention it?”

“Why is this such a big deal?”

“I love music.” Dirk’s wings flutter in the excited way as opposed to the nervous way. “It’s been sixteen years or so since I heard any.”

“Really?”

One of the sets of slightly darker blue scales over Dirk’s eyes that look kind of like eyebrows raises. “Todd, how would you assume that I’ve had any means to hear music?”

“I.” Todd frowns. “Shut up.”

Dirk grins. “What kind of songs did you play?”

“I dunno. We wanted to make music like The Band With Rocks In, I guess, songs like Chaos in the General Vicinity or Rock the Labyrinth-“

Dirk straightens so abruptly his head knocks into Todd and makes him rock a little to the side. “You were in a _band?_ ”

“Ow. Yes.”

“What were you called?”

“Guilderan Funeral.”

“Guilder-“

“We were pretty drunk, I don’t remember how we came up with it.”

“Were you famous?”  
“I, well, we were semi-popular in the city, so we weren’t _famous_ , but-“

“I’m friends with a _rock star?_ ”

“I.” Todd doesn’t know what to say to that. “I don’t think so?”

“I’m friends with a rock star,” Dirk whispers, apparently ignoring him. “Why don’t you play as much anymore?”

That pit of guilt in his stomach shows up with a vengeance. “Uh. We stopped playing after Amanda got sick. I got a job to help pay for her potions and shit.”

“Oh. That’s noble of you.”

Todd doesn’t like it when Dirk uses that word to describe him. He always says it with an odd tone in his voice that’s a little too close to admiration to be comfortable with. “I wouldn’t call it that.”

“It makes sense that you’d be a rock star, you know. You’ve always had that dashing, devil may care air about you.”

Todd blinks. “That what?”

“I mean, you know, it seems like the sort of persona you would craft for yourself, onstage, if you were on a stage and persona crafting.” Todd opens his mouth but Dirk speaks almost hurriedly before he can. “Would you play for me sometimes? Or is it a lot of work to haul it up the mountain?”

“I…” Todd thinks about it. “I can try and figure something out.”

Dirk grins. “Wonderful.”

 

One day, Todd staggers home relatively late. He always comes back down before the sun sets, but he’s walked a little slower than normal. He’s gotten stronger since he started _literally_ climbing a mountain every day, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t make his legs ache sometimes. He throws his clothes in the corner of his room before tugging on softer, more comfortable ones. He’s about to crawl into bed before he sees something glint out of the corner of his eye. He frowns and pokes at the clump of clothes he’s currently using as his dirty laundry pile thanks to him continuing to forget to wash them. A giant golden ring tumbles out of it. He frowns, kneeling down and picking it up.

“Where the hell did you come from?” he mumbles, turning it over. It’s heavy like the necklace was. He investigates the corner of the room. It’s by the cheap dresser that’s borderline falling apart and piled high with random shit he’s accumulated over the years, so maybe it had rolled off of there? He doesn’t know for sure, but he knows that he’s too tired to think about it anymore, so he goes to bed. When he wakes up, he pawns it and makes enough money that he can keep going to see Dirk consistently for the next couple weeks.

 

“My sister thinks you’re cool,” Todd tells Dirk.

Dirk does the thing with his shoulders that he does when he’s feeling smug or pleased with himself. “Of course she does. I’m naturally cool.” As he does this, one of his wings accidentally smacks Todd in the head. “Whoops.”

“Yeah.” Todd rubs the side of his head. “Very cool.”

Dirk sniffs. “Having a lapse in coolness does not make me any less cool.”

“I mean, it’s gotta, at _least_ by five percent.”

“Absolutely not, you’re completely incorrect.”

“Not even just slightl-“

“Nope, completely.”

Todd grins, looking out over the edge of the mountain. 

“So.” Dirk’s voice sounds oddly casual. “You’re doing well on the… money sort of scale?”

“Yeah, it’s weird, I found this gold ring in my room the other night.”

“Hm.” Still got that weird casual tone. “Bizarre.”

“Yeah, but I pawned it, so it’s given me a couple weeks.” Todd grins at him. “I get to keep coming here and bothering you.”

Dirk beams. “I look forwards to continuing to tolerate you.”

The smile is more genuine than the forced artfulness of his voice before, and there’s something there, flitting at the edge of Todd’s awareness, but then Dirk sneezes and the force of it sends several small rocks skittering off the edge of the ledge, and Todd starts laughing and loses whatever it was.

 

Sometimes Dirk will fall asleep while Todd’s up there talking to him, so Todd will bring a book. He doesn’t mind, even though Dirk always seems embarrassed; he’s pretty sure Dirk still isn’t sleeping as much as he should.

One time, Dirk wakes up and blinks sleepy eyes at him. His eyes always stay the same bright shade of blue, no matter what color his scales shift to.

“What’re you reading?” he rasps, voice a little hoarse.

Todd glances at the cover, like he somehow needs to be reminded of what he’s reading. “Book about a wizard with nine lives.”

“Is it a true story?”

“Somewhere, maybe. I don’t actually know. I just stole it from Amanda.”

Dirk yawns. “I miss stories.”

“What?”

“Stories. Haven’t heard them in years.” He yawns again, nestling his head on the ground. Todd’s not sure exactly how awake he is. The vaguely introspective tone he’s struck is certainly lending to that- Dirk likes to glide across the surface of things, for the most part, avoids talking about any real feelings or memories with any depth. “My mother used to read them to me. Haven’t heard them since then.”

Todd briefly ponders the size of the book that Dirk’s mom must have read from, and then lets the thought go. Dirk’s eyes slide shut idly again, and Todd comes to a decision.

“So, uh,” he says. “How conscious are you?”

“Mm.” One of his wings flutter back and forth in a so-so sort of gesture.

“Do you… want me to read to you?”

Dirk cracks an eye open. “What?”

“I mean. I don’t mind. If you really miss stories that much.”

Dirk’s eye slides shut. “Why not?” His tone is even drowsier than before. “You have a nice voice. It’ll sound nice, probably.”

Todd’s cheeks go a little pink. He clears his throat and flips to the first page, raising his voice enough that he thinks he can be heard well, but not above the soft hush that’s settled over them. Dirk’s breath evens out as he reads, but Todd never hears a snore.

 

That same day, Todd is packing up to head back down the mountain when Dirk suddenly says “I do more than tolerate you, you do know that, right?”

Todd blinks, looking up at Dirk’s giant face. He looks nervous, shifting on his yellow scales a little.

“Yeah,” he says. “I do.”

“And you can really show up whenever you like, and I won’t mind? I…” It’s Dirk’s turn to clear his throat. “I haven’t spoken to anyone, really, for a very long time, you see. I’m not exactly good at, when you get down to it, the complicated ins-and-outs of verbal conversations, and I worry sometimes that because the intricacies escape me, I may have a predilection to-“

“Dirk,” he interrupts. “I know you do more than tolerate me. And I… do more than tolerate you, too.”

Dirk blinks now, before he breaks into a toothy grin. Todd grins back, chest feeling a little warm.

“Yes, well.” Todd suddenly gets the odd experience of watching Dirk’s face transform from the grin into what he thinks might very well be a playing it cool expression, which for some reason makes his chest feel only warmer. “That’s good, very good, that we’ve cleared the air. I’m a big fan of clear air, despite what you might think thanks to the fire breathing and the occasional smoke that comes with that and whatnot.”

Todd’s grin widens. “I believe you.” He remembers. “Oh, I might not be around tomorrow, though, I told Amanda I’d help clean her house up and she made me promise to do laundry, but I am coming back, so-“

“Yes, I’d noticed you needed a laundry trip.”

Todd laughs. “Wow.”

“I’m just saying.”

He shakes his head. “Bye, Dirk.” 

“Goodbye, Todd.”

Todd starts his walk down the mountain, still smiling and feeling kinda weirdly fluttery.

 

“So does he look fearsome?”

Todd glances from where he’s wiping off Amanda’s windows. She’s scrubbing at the counters. “What?”

“Dirk. You haven’t said what he looks like. Is he fearsome? Is he terrifying? Would all flee when he grins?”

“No.” Todd smiles a little at the idea of it. “Honestly, he strikes me as the kinda guy who’d trip over his own feet, if he could.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He just looks kinda… goofy when he grins.”

“A goofy dragon?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh.” Amanda nods thoughtfully. “I’m gonna have to start picturing him different.”

“…how often do you picture him?”

“I have _literally_ nothing to do, Todd, come on, you remember what this is like.”

Todd averts his eyes from her quickly, pretending to squint at streaks on the windows. “Right. Sorry.”

“Todd and the Amazing Technicolor Dragon.” Amanda shakes her head, scrubbing at the counter. “Your life is so weird.”

 

Some nights Todd can’t sleep because of general anxiety. Some nights Todd _can_ sleep, but wakes up fairly soon after falling asleep thanks to anxiety related nightmares, and then he can’t fall back asleep, no matter how hard he tries. Tonight is the latter. He tosses and turns for a while before he gives in, gets up and makes coffee. Maybe caffeine at this hour is stupid (well, strike that, it’s _definitely_ stupid), but he knows how he gets when he’s like this, and there’ll be no getting to sleep now. He walks around his shitty apartment for a while, feeling restless and unsettled, before his gaze settles on the book he’s been reading to Dirk, now and again.

What he wants, he thinks, is to go see Dirk. Being around Dirk is oddly calming, even if they don’t talk much sometimes when he goes to visit. It’s pretty late, but Dirk’s up late, like he’d said. Is it rude to barge in there? It could be. Dirk’s told him to drop in at any time, though. Todd hasn’t had a friend in a long time that he wasn’t related to, and he knows the rules are probably pretty muddy in general friendship, but the thing with Dirk isn’t quite a general friendship, so he’s even more confused.

Todd spends a lot of time dithering and pacing before he grabs his jacket, throws it on, and heads out the door.

 

The walk is brisk and chilly, making Todd grateful he’d brought the jacket. It seems to get just a little easier every time he makes it, which is probably why it takes the shortest amount of time it’s ever taken to get there.

“Dirk?” he says as he approaches the cavern. “I know it’s a little late, um, well, a lot late, I can head home if you want, but-“ He stops short when he gets to the mouth of the cavern.

The place is empty. Not empty, per se, he supposes. The piles of gold he’s got gathered around are still in there, but it’s empty of Dirk, which is what matters.

“Dirk?” Todd’s voice echoes a little. He tries to squash down the rising anxiety. Why isn’t he here? He’s _always_ here. He said it himself, he doesn’t get out much. He steps back from the entry to the cavern and looks around, trying not to be too panicked and frenetic about it. There’s no _reason_ to be panicked or frenetic. Maybe Dirk just goes flying. Just cause he’s never seen him use his wings doesn’t mean he never does.

There’s a ledge, around the right of the mountain, up from the cavern a little. He’s noticed it before, sort of vaguely, when he’s come up to see Dirk. He’s never paid it too much mind, but now he can see a lantern flickering, and then someone sitting up there by the edge of it, looking out across the night, away from the mountain.

The panic surges even more than before. Todd races towards the ledge. There’s plenty of people who come looking to kill dragons for glory. What if this guy’s a wizard? What if he’s done something terrible to Dirk? There’s a set of very rough hewn steps leading up to the ledge and he charges up them two at a time, making it to the top of them swiftly. The man sitting there doesn’t seem to have noticed, back still to him.

“Hey!” Todd snaps, and _then_ the man notices. He scrambles to his feet and turns around. The man looks frightened, auburn hair a little messy, blue eyes wide. He’s wearing loose gray clothes, a long sleeved sweater and pants, and doesn’t look like he could fight anything, but appearances can always be deceiving. “Where’s Dirk? What have you done with him? _Where is he?_ ”

The man’s mouth opens and closes a couple times. He frantically shakes his head, raising his hands. Todd frowns, looking over him again. He looks terrified, but more than that, he looks shockingly familiar. Like Todd’s met him before, but not by his face. He can’t explain the feeling.

“Where is he?” Todd asks again, with less heat this time. “Where’s Dirk gone?” The man shakes his head again, taking a few steps back seemingly involuntarily. “Whoa, don’t-“

He takes another few steps. Yelps when he stumbles a little, far too close to the ledge for Todd’s comfort. He quickly lunges forwards and grabs his arms, helping to right him, hands clasping around his shoulders. He looks up into the man’s face and he blinks startled blue eyes down at him.

Familiar startled blue eyes.

_Very_ familiar, the sort of hue that doesn’t change, even as everything around it does.

Todd stares at him, the idea in his head seeming preposterous, but too loud to ignore.

“Dirk?” he whispers.

The man’s lips slowly purse. Unpurse. He wets them.

“I think,” he says, in Dirk’s voice. “That you and I should probably talk.”

 

Despite him saying this, they sit next to each other in silence for a couple minutes. Toddcan’t stop glancing over at this man who is supposedly Dirk. He’s slender, knees pulled up a little, arms resting on them. His auburn hair is cut roughly, like it’s been done with a dagger. He’s looking down, clear blue eyes looking off into nothing, cheekbones very slightly visible, eyebrows drawn together a little pensively, a look that feels peculiarly familiar as he’s seen it on his face before, just not _this_ one-

Dirk doesn’t look away from where he’s gazing. “You’re staring at me.”

Todd feels himself flush a little at being caught. “I thought you were a dragon until five minutes ago, Dirk, I think I’m allowed to stare a little.”

“I _was_ a dragon. And then I… wasn’t.”

“I. Yeah, I know.”

Dirk lifts his head up and stares out at the black sky. Todd sees him by the light of the lantern and the moon, silver and gold light streaming across him.

“You know everything I tell you about the universe?” he says. “And the, the interconnectedness, and how everything ties all together?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re wrong. I’m not crazy, even if you don’t say it as often as I know you think it. Everyone thought I was crazy, even before I knew what this was called, it’s all right. It’s real. It’s something I can feel. I don’t know if, if I’m fully human or not, they _thought_ I was, but they had no explanation for how I… know these things.”

“I don’t…” Todd can hear the pain in his voice, doesn’t want to interrupt, but he’s not making any sense. “Dirk, I don’t know what any of that means, you’re gonna have to give me more than that.”

Dirk’s jaw twitches.

“I can… feel things. Know things. Things that other people don’t know.”

“Like magic?”

“I don’t know. It never seemed to be magic. They tested me. It’s like…” he struggles. “It’s like the universe is tugging me to… to _fix_ things, but I don’t know what. I don’t know what I’m supposed to fix, or how, or what to do, really ever.”

“Who was _they?_ ”

Dirk swallows. “People… took notice of what I could do. Like I told you, I found a lot of cats. And then I found this murder weapon, and, well, that got even more notice, and then this man came to see me. He said his name was Riggins, and that he was from a group that wanted to learn about people like me. Take care of us. Called Blackwing. Said he wanted what was best for me.” He smiles bitterly. “He lied. I only found out after I agreed to go with him, of course. The organization was real, they certainly wanted to learn about us. But all the rest of it was nonsense, the caring and the any semblance of any emotion that wasn’t driven by being calculating or cold.”

“Did. Did you leave?” It’s a dumb question. Obviously he left. What he _meant_ was whether he had to escape or not, but that wasn’t what came out. Fortunately, Dirk seems to understand.

“Entering Blackwing was voluntary. Staying there was compulsory.”

“How long were you there?”

“Six years, one month, three days.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, well. I escaped eventually, because a certain other group started escaping, and it was, there was this whole thing, but I got out, is the point.”

“So they took you for this… universe thing? Not the dragon thing?”

“I didn’t have the dragon thing when I went in there.”

“You-“

“I found out the morning after I escaped. I got out that night, and in the morning, I woke up, and I was all, all big and scaly and dragon-y.” His hands are clutching at each other and, bizarrely, Todd gets the urge to take one of them comfortingly. He squashes it. “Riggins found me once when I looked like this, not long after that, because, well, I hadn’t been a dragon before, it was a learning experience, I… knocked a town hall over and there was all this burning, no one died, it isn’t important, the point is, he found me. He was on his own, I think he thought he could talk me round to coming back. He told me it was a… precautionary measure. In case I escaped. If I’m outside of the base, every day I turn into the version of me with the talons, and every night I get to turn back into this version of me. He told me if I came back to Blackwing, I wouldn’t change anymore. That I’d be me, and isn’t that what I wanted?” Dirk’s lips twist sourly again. “I told him if he came back to be sure not to do it when I was in my larger form, and I fled.”

“He. He tried to hold you hostage with this?”

Dirk shrugs. “It’s not that surprising. I don’t think he banked on me considering my freedom more important than anything else.”

“Just because…”Todd feels like spluttering in anger. He tries to be coherent. “Just because it isn’t _surprising_ doesn’t mean it’s _okay._ That’s, that’s so, that’s so fucking-“ well, he’s failed that. “That’s fucking _wrong_ , Dirk. Isn’t there some way to take the spell away?”

Dirk sighs. “Well, Riggins always kept spellbooks in his office, and he would never tell me what was in them, so I would assume it’s there. But I’m not risking getting that close again. I’ll be just fine up here.”

“Dirk-“

“ _I’ll be just fine up here,_ ” he repeats flatly, and Todd recognizes it for the block in any further discussion that it is.

“So that’s how you’ve been to the city, and your mom read to you, and all that stuff.”

“Yes. To be perfectly frank, I’m surprised you didn’t suspect something earlier, I wasn’t particularly subtle.”

“I mean. I thought you were a _dragon._ ”

“I suppose that’s fair.”

“Is this…” Todd struggles to figure out how to put it into words. “Is me seeing you like this okay? Is this, am I-“

“It’s…” Dirk rubs his hand up and down one of his arms self consciously. “It’s not, I mean, well. No one’s seen me like-“ he gestures up and down his body. “Like this since I was sixteen. The idea of it happening again was… weird. And I didn’t know if you’d, well. I don’t know what I thought.”

Todd shifts his shoulders a little.

“I’m, uh. It’s not a problem or weird or whatever for me. I mean,” he amends. “It’s a little weird. Kinda weird. But not bad weird. It’s just… an adjustment weird. So if you want me to come when you’re-“ Todd does kind of the same vague gesture that Dirk had done to signify his current form. “Then I’ll do that, and if you want me to come when you’re-“ He pulls a scowly, toothy sort of face, turning his hands into claws next to it. “Then I can do that, too. It’s fine. It’s whatever. It’s whatever, but in a fine way.”

Dirk stares at him for a second. Then his lips twitch. “Was that your dragon impression?”

“I’m not good at impressions, man.”

“No, it was good, I liked it.” Dirk gives him a fullblown grin. The force of it is a little staggering, for some reason, so Todd just looks back at the ground, smiling himself.

“Where did you get the clothes?” Shit, that’s a weird fucking first question. Is there a recovery from that he can pull? There must be. Before he can think of one, Dirk answers him.

“The last time I went near any towns, before I came up here, I grabbed a bunch of clothes that were purposely large because, well, I didn’t know when I’d get the chance to get new ones and I figured I had to accommodate for any growth spurts or any such thing. Sometimes the knights I send back down the mountain leave behind their packs and I raid their clothes. That sort of thing.”

“How often do you get out of here?”

Dirk shrugs. “I fly out to get food sometimes. I’ve really just been surviving on the wildlife for a while now. There’s no way to approach any of the towns without getting noticed, and there’s not enough time to get down there and back over the course of the night.”

Todd nods. “Make sense.”

“You’re taking all this rather well.”

“I mean. I did shout at you when I saw you.”

“Yes, but you didn’t know it was me, you thought it was something who’d done something bad to me.” Dirk’s cheeks go a little pink. “Which was nice of you. It was very… sweet.”

It’s Todd’s turn to shrug, his shoulders tightening after he does it.

“Why do you do that when I say nice things about you?”

“Why do I do what?”

“You turn into a turtle.”

“I. What?”

Dirk draws his shoulders up and pulls his head down in between them. “That. You turn into a turtle. Why? You are, objectively, a nice person. I mean, you stopped your whole band thing when your sister got sick-“

“They broke up because of me.” The words come tumbling out. He can’t say the pararibulitis thing aloud yet, not really, but this he can’t hold back.

“What? That seems rude of them.”

“No, I.” Todd shakes his head. “I stole their equipment, and I sold it so I could have money for Amanda’s treatments, and I got caught, and they were mad at me, rightfully, and they hated me, rightfully, and we broke up.”

“Oh.”

“Because that’s what I do when things get bad. I steal from people.” It’s truer than Dirk knows. They sit in silence until Todd feels a gentle hand on his shoulder. He jumps a little and the hand tightens on his shoulder like it might get pulled away. Todd leans against it tentatively, hoping that he’ll take it as a sign that he shouldn’t take it away. If it’s a sign he notices, it’s one he takes.

“I’m kind of an asshole, Dirk.” He sounds tired even to his own ears. “Trust me.”

Dirk’s quiet again.

“Well, you come up here and you talk to me.” Dirk’s voice is awkwardly fond. “And no one’s bothered to stick around and talk to me. Not for years. No one even liked talking to me before this. Everyone thought I was weird, and no one wanted to spend too much time with me, kids, adults, even cats. Riggins was one of the only people who showed an interest, and, well, it wasn’t the sort of interest I thought it was. So maybe you think you’re an asshole, but you’ve been really very kind. And it’s… been appreciated.”

Todd doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just nods. “Thanks.”

“Mm-hm.”

They’re quiet again. The sky is just beginning to lighten.

“I’m sorry about… I shouldn’t have called you crazy, and I shouldn’t have made you feel like you couldn’t come to me, or just made you feel like shit in general. And I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to-“

“Yeah, I do.”

“Well. Thank you.”

“Do you want me to go before it rises?”

“I… think so, yes. I don’t know if I want anybody to see me… shift back.”

“Okay.” Todd stands, Dirk’s hand sliding off his shoulder. He finds he misses the warmth as Dirk stands next to him.

“I also think that maybe I’d like you to keep coming during the day and then I’ll let you know if that feeling changes.”

“Sounds good. I’m probably gonna sleep all of today, though, I’ve been awake for…” Todd struggles to count, then gives up. “Hours.”

“Okay. You can tell your sister about the dragon thing,” Dirk adds, seemingly an afterthought. “She seems like she’d be all right about it.”

Todd nods. They hover awkwardly for a second before Dirk suddenly lunges at him and wraps him in a hug. Todd’s arms come up to hesitantly hold onto him. It’s nice. Dirk gives good hugs, and he finds himself relaxing into it a little.

“Thank you for being good about this,” Dirk whispers.

“No problem.”

Dirk pulls back, surreptitiously wiping at his face. “Yes. Well. I suppose I’ll see you in a day or so.”

“Yeah.”

Dirk awkwardly pats Todd on the shoulder. Todd nods, and he heads back down the mountain, the sun rising as he returns home.

 

When Todd wakes up in his bed, he _does_ wonder if the whole thing was a dream. It would make more sense than it having actually happened. But when he glances at his door, he sees his boots and his jacket shed by the floor. He’s really gotta take better care of his shit. He doesn’t have a lot of it, or a lot of money to replace it. He remembers dropping those things when he’d gotten home, abruptly exhausted.

So, it had happened. Dirk didn’t start out as a dragon, and he isn’t a dragon all the time. Sometimes he’s a guy who _isn’t_ a dragon, he’s just… a guy. With a nice smile and who gives good hugs.

Todd sits on the edge of his bed and rubs at his eyes a little, yawning. He stares into nothing for a moment, then nods to himself, stands up, and gets to work.

 

First, he grabs a sack and starts shoving clothes into it. He goes through his admittedly limited wardrobe and tries to figure out what would probably be best. Pants are right out, the sizing’s all off, but shirts he can take care of, easy. He throws a few in there and then pauses, thinking it over. He starts to dig to the bottom of the drawer, where he still keeps two or three of them, but hesitates. They’re not as soft as the one he wears regularly, probably. They haven’t been broken in right yet. So it makes sense to put the one he wears all the time in the sack, right? It makes sense. It’s not weird.

Todd grabs the Guilderan Funeral short tunic, fortunately recently washed, and shoves it in the sack.

Then he heads to the kitchen and opens his cupboards. There’s… not a lot there. God, he’s really got to eat better. And… more, probably. He looks at them for another minute, and sighs, knowing where he’s got to go. He hefts the sack over his shoulder and heads out.

 

Amanda opens the door and stares at him, hair still messy, black sack over his shoulder.

“Oh god,” she says. “Are there like, chunks of dead people in there?”

“No, I, what?”

“Did you finally snap and kill someone and you need me to bury the body?”

“ _What?_ ”

“No one just _hauls_ giant black sacks over their shoulder for _good_ reasons, Todd, and they certainly don’t show up at their sister’s door uninvited with them. I mean, I’ll _do_ it, I’ll help, but Todd, I don’t know if I even own a _shovel_ , did you think this through at all or-“

“Amanda, if I was carrying anything dubious, don’t you think I’d carry it something way less suspicious than a giant black bag?”

“It depends on how smart or subtle you are and you fall on different places on that scale depending on the day.”

That’s fair. “I have to ask you a kind of weird question with a really weird story behind it and it doesn’t involve dead people or whatever else you think is going on.”

“If you say so.”

“Do you have any food or men’s pants that you’re not using and that I could carry up a mountain?”

“Yeah, with all my gentleman suitors, I’m really overflowing in men forgetting their pants at my place.”

Todd wrinkles his nose. “Ew.”

“Hey, you opened the door, man. Why do you want to know?”

Todd sighs. “You… should probably let me in for this.”

 

“ _THIS IS SO COOL._ ”

Todd winces. “Can you stop shouting that, please?” He weighs a bag of apples, trying to figure out if it’s going to add too much weight for him to carry up the mountain. He compromises, taking about half the apples out of the bag and putting them on Amanda’s countertops before throwing the other half in the sack, counting on the clothes to cushion them and keep them from getting too bruised.

“Dude, you have a friend who’s a _person_ , who’s guided by the _universe_ , who turns into a _dragon._ Did you expect me _not_ to shout about it?”

“I expected your shouting to be less… shouty, I guess.” He pokes at a slice of the loaf of bread in the pile Amanda had thrown on her table to test how stale it is. She’d gone through all the food she said she didn’t really want to have to keep looking at and thrown it in a heap for him to decide whether or not he wanted to put it in “your magic sack”, words he’d pretty much banned immediately from being said in that order around him ever again.

“Magic dragon.” She shakes her head. “Fucking insane.”

Todd makes a noncommittal noise. He hadn’t told her about Blackwing or Riggins or any of that, not by name, anyway- Dirk had given him permission to tell Amanda about “the dragon thing”, but the other stuff had sounded pretty private, and he doesn’t think he really needs to talk about that.

“Oh! Dude!” Amanda quickly rummages around in a cabinet and throws something at him which Todd barely catches. It’s a sack of popcorn kernels. “This!”

“…how do you think he’s going to be able to make those?”

Amanda rolls her eyes. “ _Todd._ He’s a _dragon_. They breathe _fire._ ”

“Oh. Yeah. Okay. Thanks.”

 

The next morning, ready to leave a little earlier than normal because he knows the sack on his back will weigh him down and mean he takes more time, Todd’s more nervous about climbing the mountain than he has been since that first time he did it without an end goal in mind. He tries to kick the anxiety in the ass, and heads out.

When he gets to the plateau before Dirk’s cave, Dirk pokes his head out almost immediately and then blinks, looking surprised and that pleasant shade of green again.

“Oh,” he says. “Hi. I thought… well, I wasn’t sure you’d… hi.”

“Hi.” Todd lets the sack drop behind him. “You thought I wouldn’t come back?”

“I mean. It’s very odd. You might’ve realized how odd it was in the light of day and come back to avoid the… oddness.”

“Yeah, but I said I’d come back.” He winces. “I mean, I wanted to come back. I said I would come back and I wanted to come back.”

“Oh.” Dirk’s wings flutter a little. “What’s in the bag?”

“Oh.” Todd hauls it around to the front of himself. “It’s, uh. Well. You said that you’ve had the same clothes for a while, and that you’ve only been eating the wildlife, so, uh, I thought, well, you know. Here’s… more of that. For when you’re… not looking like this.”

“You… brought me clothes? And food?”

Oh god, it’s weird, isn’t it? It’s weird. It’s a weird thing to do. “…yeah. You don’t _have_ to, I mean, it’s fine, I can take them-“

“No,” Dirk cuts in quickly. “No, yes, I’d like them, please. Why don’t you come inside and we’ll just… unpack the thing. Or you will. I’d probably destroy them.”

Todd hefts the bag into Dirk’s cave, filled with random piles of gold, as always.

“Why did you start collecting gold, if you’re…” Todd doesn’t know exactly what to call Dirk yet, other than just Dirk. “Not always a dragon?”

Dirk shrugs. “Seemed like the thing to do, if I really was going to be like this the majority of the time. The cavern’s certainly big enough and it felt a little less empty for when I had two legs again. It echoed a little less.” He peers over Todd’s shoulder at the sack. “This is the oddest feeling.” He sounds excited. “Like someone’s unwrapping my birthday presents for me, but not in a bad way.”

“When’s your birthday?”

“I don’t remember.” He nudges Todd with a wing. “Open it up.”

Todd pulls the food out first, having put it on top of the clothes so they’d jostle less. Dirk gasps at the sight of the bread and cheese. “Oh, I haven’t had those in _years_.”

“Amanda had me bring up some popcorn kernels, she said you could probably pop them while you were still, and I’m directly quoting here, ‘all dragoned up’ and eat it after.”

“Your sister, as always, appears to me to be a fount of wisdom.”

Todd grins. “Fair enough.”

He reaches over with a talon to very gently tap the jar of pickles, and Todd notes that he doesn’t even jump when Dirk does that sort of thing anymore.. “You really brought all of this for me?”

Todd shrugs. “I mean. If you’ve been living off wildlife for sixteen years, then you should eat other stuff too, right? You can’t just eat that, right?” Dirk doesn’t say anything, but Todd can feel his eyes on him, so he keeps going. “I had to eyeball the clothes stuff a little, I didn’t know what size you were, so I just grabbed some pants that looked right from a secondhand store and threw some of my shirts in there.”

“It’ll be wonderful. I’m sure of it.”

Todd carefully lays out the clothes. It’s three pairs of dark pants and some tunics. He pulls out a yellow leather jacket and hesitates. “I thought… you were all in gray, and I thought maybe some color would be…”

He feels the slight rush of air that means Dirk’s nodding his head vigorously next to him. “Yes. I… I’ve missed colors that weren’t on my scales. This is all…” He just barely rests his head against Todd’s side and he _does_ just barely restrain a jump there, because Dirk’s very careful about not initiating physical contact on purpose when he’s like this. “You didn’t have to do this.”

Todd tentatively brings his hand up to rest on top of Dirk’s head. “I wanted to.”

“It means a lot. It means… more than I can tell you, to be perfectly honest.”

Todd runs his thumb against his head. The scales aren’t hard like he thought they might’ve been, but soft, and Todd’s anxiety that this is weird dissolves when a slight huff of air escapes Dirk’s nose and he hesitantly pushes against him a little more. Todd wonders how much positive physical contact Dirk’s had since Blackwing. Probably not a lot, if any. He slowly runs his hand back and forth against his head. Dirk sighs a little again before he rests his head on his knee, the weight not as heavy as he might have expected. Todd closes his eyes. It’s an oddly peaceful moment, one that is interrupted by his brain, per usual, but for once, not in a bad way.

“Oh. Right. I have something else.” He reaches into the sack and pulls out the Guilderan Funeral tunic with the hand not on Dirk’s head. He smoothes it out on the ground in front of them. “I…thought you might like this.”

“Is this… a tee shirt from your band?”

“Yeah.”

“Didn’t you say they hated you?”

“Yeah, well.”

He can hear the smile in Dirk’s voice. “I like it.”

Todd’s stomach flutters a little. He tries to ignore it. “Okay.”

They sit like that for a while.

 

When Todd is throwing the sack into his dirty laundry pile, something comes clattering out and skids across the floor. He stares at the giant golden cup on his floor that he knows for a _fact_ he has never owned before kneeling down and poking at it. He slowly rights it so it’s resting properly. He doesn’t take it to pawn the next day.

 

“Dirk,” Todd says the next time he’s up there. “Have you been sneaking-“

Dirk shifts in the cavern and accidentally knocks Todd over with his wing, sending him toppling into the ground with a slight yelp. “Oh, whoops, I’m _so_ sorry, Todd, are you all right?”

Todd winces, righting himself. “Yeah, I’m fine, just startled me.”

“Sorry, lose track of my limbs sometimes, do you think you could open the pickle jar for me? I had a devil of a time trying it the other night and it might just be easier to ask you to do it, I figure it could only go poorly if I try it now.”

Todd works on opening the jar, and by the time he’s finished, he doesn’t remember the question he was going to ask until he’s back in his home, which he thinks might have been the point of Dirk knocking him over and asking for help in the first place.

 

“I wanna meet him.”

Todd chokes on his drink. “What?”

Amanda leans forwards. “I want. To meet him. Please.”

“ _Why?_ ”

“You see him almost every day, you talk about him _incessantly_ , it’s all ‘Dirk says this’ or ‘Dirk does that’. Come on, I wanna.” She grins. “You remember how annoying I can be with ‘I wanna’, right?”

Todd does, vividly. “What if you have an attack on the way up the mountain? Or while you’re there, you have one?”

“I mean, it’s like Dirk said, right? If the curse is inside me, why does it matter where I go?”

It’s a good point, he guesses. It’s not as anxiety provoking as it might have been a couple months ago or so, since he started spending time with Dirk. “I mean, look, I’m not just gonna _show up_ with you one day. I gotta ask him first.”

“Okay, well, then, ask him. I want you t-“

“I get it, yeah.” Todd takes another sip of his drink and frowns in confusion when he notices something resting on Amanda’s table. He picks it up and squints at it. It appears to be a brick with a note that says “hi!” wrapped around it. “What’s this?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. Hey, what should I wear up there?”

“I… don’t know. Clothes?”

Amanda gives him a look that suggests she’s not going to let him forget about that response any time soon.

 

“My sister wants to meet you.”

Dirk’s wings rear back and flutter wildly. Todd yelps and dives to the ground.

“Sorry! Sorry, sorry, I thought I’ve gotten better at that.”

“You have.” Todd doesn’t move. “Can I get up now?”

“Yes. You should be good. Sorry.”

Todd sits back up, running a hand through his hair. He likes his hair to look decent when he’s up here. “S’okay.”

“Your _sister_ wants to _meet_ me?”

“Yeah.”

“ _Why?_ ”

“She, uh.” Todd clears his throat. “She says I talk about you all the time, and she’d just… like to meet you.”

“Oh.” Dirk flushes a darker shade of blue. “Oh.”

“Yeah. So.”

“I mean.” Dirk’s wings flutter again, more restrained but no less anxious. “What if she doesn’t like me?”

“Dirk-“

“What if she thinks I’m strange?”

“Dirk, I-“

“What if she thinks I’m strange, and then _you_ realize I’m strange, and then _neither_ of you talk to me aga-“

“ _Dirk._ ”

“What?”

“I’m not gonna stop talking to you if my sister doesn’t like you.”

Dirk’s brow is furrowed. “Are you sure?”

“Completely, yeah.”

“But what if she thinks I’m strange?”

“You _are_ strange.” Dirk’s eyes widen and Todd trips over himself trying to clarify, stomach swooping a little in anxiety. “I mean, yeah, you’re strange, but you’re good strange. I… like the kind of strange that you are. So if she thinks you’re strange, or, or whatever, then it doesn’t matter, cause I like… being strange with you.”

Dirk’s the darkest shade of blue Todd’s ever seen on him. Todd can’t imagine he’s much better. Although not blue. Obviously. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well.” Dirk drums his talons on the ground. They make a soft clattering sound. “I _would_ like to meet the woman, the myth, the legend.”

“Please don’t call her that in front of her, I’ll never hear the end of it.” Something occurs to Todd. “How do you want to meet her?”

“What?”

“You know.”

“I don’t, actually.”

“Do you want to meet her when you’re like this or do you want to meet her when you’re… the other way?”

“You’re being very confusing.”

“Do you want to meet her as…” Todd trails off when he sees Dirk’s upper lip twitch. “You’re trying to get me to do the goddamn dragon impression again, aren’t you?”

“I thought I’d try.”

“You’re such an asshole.”

“Come on, you’d have tried it, too.” Dirk rests his head against Todd’s knee. He does that regularly now, Todd running his fingers against the top of it on automatic by now.

“…shut up.”

Dirk laughs. As always, it’s a bright, clear sound that makes Todd’s heart jump in a funny way. Todd smiles and they’re quiet for a moment.

“Todd?”

“Yeah?”

“You… could come visit when I’m in a more… two legged shape. Sometimes. If you liked.”

Todd’s stomach swoops a little again. “Are you sure?”

“If you liked.”

“I’d like.”

“I want your sister to meet me like this, though. If that’s okay.”

“Sure is.”

“Okay.”

They’re quiet again.

“Todd?”

Todd makes an affirmative noise.

“You never call me a dragon or a human and I just… wondered why.”

“I just. I don’t.” Todd takes a deep breath. “I know that… sometimes you’re a dragon, and sometimes you’re not, and I don’t know… I don’t want to get it wrong.” He doesn’t want to make Dirk uncomfortable. Or unhappy. Pretty much ever, he realizes. It’s a weird realization, one he shelves for later. “Is. Is that okay? If it isn’t, I can-“

“I’m not… always entirely sure of the answer myself. I wasn’t really certain who I was before all of this, you know. I wasn’t… normal before all this, and now I feel like I’m less normal. So I don’t know what the word for me is.”

Todd thinks about it. “I don’t know how to help you when it comes to that,” he says slowly. “I don’t know if I can. But my word for you is… good. You’re a good person, whatever shape you happen to be in at the time and whoever else you are.”

It’s more emotional than Todd tends to run. He doesn’t look down at Dirk, who doesn’t say anything, instead the anxiety starting to fester in his brain.

Dirk pushes his head against him a little further, a move Todd’s learned to interpret as him having a sudden deluge of feelings and not being up for expressing them in any other way. It never fails to make his chest do something weird. “Thank you.”

Todd nods. “Mm-hm.”

“I’m taking that you admitted that you are also strange, technically, by the way, and running with it.” He can hear the smile in Dirk’s voice and grins.

“Yeah, I should’ve known I wouldn’t get away with that.”

 

The walk up the mountain isn’t as bad as Todd worried it would be. Amanda has only two attacks, and the second one is very short. He flutters around her anxiously until she tells him that if he doesn’t stop worrying, she’s gonna shove him hard enough that he tumbles backwards down the mountain.

Eventually, they get to the plateau in front of his cavern. “Is this where he lives?” she asks.

“Yeah.” Todd raises his voice. “Dirk, we’re here.” He knows Dirk probably knows they’re here, but he feels like if he calls out their arrival, it gives Dirk an extra second to steel himself.

Dirk’s still not there for a moment (meaninguntil he pokes his head out, hints of his wings in the shadows. Amanda makes a small squeaking noise, taking a half step back. Todd doesn’t.

“Hey,” he says. “You’re gold today.”

“Yes.” Dirk lowers his head slightly to look at Amanda properly. Amanda stands her ground this time. “You must be Amanda.”

Amanda clears her throat. “Hey, Dirk. Sup.”

“Not much.” Todd hears the telltale sound of his wings swaying a little anxiously in the cave. “I’ve heard quite a bit about you.”

Amanda smiles. “I’ve heard a lot about you, too.” She grins. “Todd says you’re sweet but you talk a lot about the universe and it’s weird but kinda nice, too.”

Dirk blinks, looking over at Todd, who feels himself flush. “You said I’m sweet?”

“…no?”

“She said you did.”

“She said pixies ate all of the snack food when we were kids instead of her. Amanda says a lot of things.”

“Yes, well, so do you, but at least she has the bearing of someone with integrity.”

Amanda cackles. “Oh, man. Yeah, we can be friends, this is all good.”

 

Todd’s anxieties about Dirk meeting Amanda (carefully concealed from both parties) turns out to have been unfounded. Amanda curls up against some of the blankets that Todd had brought up with the bag of stuff and that Dirk seems to have laid against the mountains of gold that are in the cavern and chats with Dirk. Dirk rests his head against the ground as they chat animatedly, brushing up against Todd’s leg slightly as Todd leans back against his neck.

It’s when Todd and Amanda are eating lunch, the sandwiches they’d brought beforehand, that Amanda casually mentions her pararibulitis.

“Dude, I gotta thank you for the ‘why does it matter where you go’ thing, cause that’s helped _loads_ , I mean, I had a pretty bad attack at the market a few days ago-“

Todd puts his sandwich down and stares at her. “You _what?_ ”

“It’s okay, it was nothing to worry about-“

“But if it was a bad attack-“

“It’s _fine_ , Todd, really, some guys helped me get back home and it all turned out okay, so what does it matter?”

Todd wants to ask what guys these are, but Amanda’s apparently done with that part of the conversation because she turns back to Dirk. “Anyway, other than that, I’ve been going out more with some friends, and it’s _phenomenal_ , dude, there’s a whole _world_ out there, which I knew logically, but it’s _insane_ , and I’m loving it.”

Dirk beams. Any anxiety she might have felt earlier must be gone, because she doesn’t react to the toothy grin. “I’m glad I could help.”

Todd’s about to ask about her friends, because he hadn’t heard about any new ones, but she keeps going.

“Yeah, I mean, you know, maybe it’ll be okay. I mean, it could still be okay, Todd’s went away, and that’s the ideal ending, but if I don’t get there, well, this is pretty good, too.”

The bottom drops out of Todd’s stomach. He lowers his sandwich to his lap and stares at it.

“Oh.” Dirk sounds surprised. “I didn’t know Todd had it.”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No.”

Todd doesn’t say anything, still staring at the sandwich.

“Yeah, the curse is supposed to hit at least one out of every generation, and it got Todd first, but then it got me, and not long after it got me, it went away for Todd. Which is the first time in like, the history of the curse. So it could happen to me, too, it could be a generational thing.”

“Who cast the curse in the first place?”

Amanda shrugs. “Some witch. It was three or four generations ago.”

“I didn’t know.”

“He doesn’t like to talk about it.”

Todd can feel Dirk’s eyes on him. He shrugs, tongue too thick and heavy in his mouth.

“Well,” Dirk says eventually. “Then we don’t have to talk about it. Tell me more about drumming.”

 

Todd manages to keep the feeling brought on by Amanda’s mention of the pararibulitis to his stomach, trying to keep it off his face. He knows he doesn’t fully succeed in keeping it off his face, though, because before they leave that afternoon, Dirk gently bumps a wing up against his shoulders.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” he murmurs while Amanda is shouldering her bag. “I’m sorry.”

Todd shakes his head. “S’not your fault.”

“I’m still sorry you’re in distress.”

He shrugs again. Dirk pats him on the shoulders again before they leave.

 

“Dude,” Amanda says as they walk down the mountain. “He’s _so_ cool.”

“Yeah,” Todd agrees quietly.

“I mean, fuck, way too cool for you.”

“Yeah.”

“He’s super fucking nice, too. Like, goddamn.”

“Yeah.” Todd stares at the ground as they walk. “Yeah. He’s way too nice for me.”

Amanda doesn’t seem to notice, talking excitedly all the way down. Todd doesn’t really hear it, lost in his own thoughts.

 

When Todd gets back to his home and drops his bag on the floor, a large golden jewelry box peeks out. He stares at the box and tries to breathe around the lump in his throat. He closes his eyes, puts it next to the golden cup, and crawls into bed, knowing what he has to do tomorrow.

 

“Your face looks weird,” Dirk observes when Todd climbs the mountain the next morning. “Are you all right?”

Todd puts his bag on the ground and takes out the cup and box. He looks up at Dirk, who’s suddenly gone silent. “I should’ve brought the cup back as soon as I figured it out,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t be.” Dirk clears his throat. “I just… at first I wanted to help, because I knew I couldn’t really do much other than that, and then I, well. I just… I thought…”

Realization dawns on Todd. “You wanted me to come back. You thought if you kept sneaking those things into my bag, I’d have a reason to come back.”

Dirk shuffles. “I never had anyone keep coming to talk to me before.”

Todd swallows. “I can’t… keep taking these. It’s not right. I should have brought that first one back as soon as I knew, but I didn’t, and…” he shakes his head. “I’m not… you deserve someone better to be here, Dirk. I’m an asshole, and you should have nicer, better people than me up here.”

“Yes, you say you’re an asshole _frequently_ , and I don’t understand it for the _life_ of me, Todd, honestly, you’re really quite a nice person-“

“I’m _not,_ you just, you just project all this nice stuff onto me, and I just, you made me forget that I’m _not_ , and I didn’t know it until the two of you were together and talking about the-“ His hands are shaking. “Do you know what I thought of when you and Amanda were talking about the pararibulitis yesterday? Do you know what was running through my head?”

“…no?”

“I was thinking about how I do dumb shit, all the time. I steal from people over and over again, because that’s, that’s what I do, because I’m an _asshole_ , I stole from the band, I stole from Dorian, I stole from you-“

“Now, hang on, that last one’s not true, you didn’t-“

“And one of these days, I’m gonna do that again, and it’s gonna piss off the wrong person, and they’re gonna kill me. And then I’m gonna be dead, and there’s gonna be no one to take care of Amanda.”

“Then I don’t-“ Dirk sounds unusually frustrated. “Todd, I don’t understand how that makes you an asshole, that makes you a good brother, as far as I’m-“

“No. I’m a shitty brother, and a shitty person, and if I die, I’ll never be able to find a way to make up for all the stuff I’ve done to her.”

“ _Done_ to her? Todd, especially since you’ve both had the curse, I think supporting her as best you can under the circumstances is-“

“I didn’t have the curse.”

This is what he’d come up here to say, and he hadn’t known how he was going to do it, but he’d known he had to, and then he’d known Dirk’s next word was going to be _noble_ , that word again, that word he always uses for Todd when he shouldn’t, and he’d known he had to prevent it. It works; Dirk blinks, drawing his head back a little.

“What?”

“I didn’t have pararibulitis. It’s the family curse, and I lied and said I had it so my parents would send me money and I wouldn’t have to work.”

Dirk seems baffled. Todd’s chest is twisting and turning in nausea over and over again, the sickening knowledge that after this, Dirk isn’t going to want to have anything to do with him creeping in and making a home in his bones. “Why not just get a job, or…”

Todd gives an aborted shrug. “I don’t… I don’t even know, I can’t even remember the first time I lied about it, I don’t even _relate_ to that person anymore, I just… I don’t know. And then Amanda got really sick with it, the curse that I was faking being afflicted by, I knew she needed the help more than me, so I said I got better, but it was too late. My parents were out of money.” He runs a hand through his hair, unable to look at Dirk’s face. “She thinks I recovered from a curse that she actually has. Do you know how many times she's told me that's what gets her through the day, that's what gives her hope? How could I take that away from her?” He shakes his head. “So that’s me, Dirk, that’s your nice person, that’s, that’s your _noble_ guy. I am, and always have been, a total and complete asshole.”

He can’t even be facing Dirk right now. He can’t stand to see what his eyes must look like at this point, how they’re looking at Todd. He abruptly turns on his heel and sits on the plateau, staring out at the view below with slightly blurry eyes.

Eventually, he hears the soft thud of Dirk’s head laying on the ground next to him.

“Everything is connected,” he says quietly. “But only I can see it. And I’m not a dragon. I’m not entirely sure if I’m human. I’m certainly not psychic, like they threw out at Blackwing as a possibility. But I am… something. And when I was young, I would get intuitions about things, little hunches about the way the universe worked. But… it was like reading in another language, like signs or symbols I didn’t understand. And they don’t help me. Ever. So when I was a kid, I figured, well, at least I’m finding cats, you know, I’m helping people, and maybe someday I’ll be able to help other people, even if I can’t help myself.

“But I’m not. I’m trapped up here instead. And the universe is in this… this odd place, this place of necessary but forced stagnation with me, where I can feel the intuitions but they don’t lead anywhere or do anything, they just fizzle out. This is where the universe needs me, but not where it wants me, and it feels like it’s frustrated, and I _know_ that I am, but there’s no end in sight. It’s this cycle where I can’t leave and the universe can’t pull me away, not yet, anyway, and we’re both annoyed by it. And I used to theorize that maybe someone else could help me. Maybe someday someone would find me up here and, I don’t know, make it easier, make things make sense.

“It’s been years, and you’re the first person who’s actually stuck around. You’re the first person who’s actually acted like a friend, a good person, whether you acknowledge either of these things or not, and to be perfectly candid, I’m a bit sick of your bullshit, Todd.”

Todd blinks, frowning down at Dirk. The sunlight is faint, only just coming in through clouds, glinting very faintly off his blue scales. “What?”

“Well, I don’t think you’re an asshole, so it comes off a bit cheap.”

“ _Cheap?_ Didn’t you listen to anything I-“

“It's very easy to act like a jerk, and then say, "Well, I'm a jerk, so that's that. But it's not like being a bloody werewolf, is it? It's just you making excuses for your excuses. I don't have any friends. When I was a kid, everything was… bizarre and frightening, and almost everyone was bizarre and frightening too, and I am always alone. Even surrounded by people, I felt like I was always alone. You said yourself that you didn’t figure out what I was pulling with the gold until recently, so you didn’t keep coming up here to keep taking it. Everything you’ve done, the way you’ve talked to me, what you’ve done for me, you didn’t do because you thought I’d keep paying you off at the end of the day. You’re the closest thing I’ve had to a friend, so I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop calling yourself an asshole.”

They’re both quiet again. Todd feels like something’s unfolding inside of him, starting in his chest and spreading to the tips of his fingers. It’s something close to understanding, he thinks, although maybe not quite that. It’s a feeling without a name, the term closest to accurate probably insight.

“Okay,” he says. “You’re right.”

“What?” He can hear how startled Dirk is.

“You’re right.”

“Oh.”

“And tomorrow… tomorrow I’ll tell Amanda everything. And I’ll look for a job, because I can’t just… mooch off you. I can’t keep doing that with anyone. I need to stand on my own two feet.”

“Oh. That’s… that’s good.” Dirk tentatively rests his head against Todd. Todd puts his hand on top of it.

“I was going to tell you after I confessed that I shouldn’t come up and see you anymore, you know,” Todd says. “I was gonna say you shouldn’t have to keep coming into contact with me.”

Dirk sniffs. “I’m glad you didn’t. Dragons imprisoning someone against their will to persuade them of things is just so _tacky._ ”

Todd giggles. He can’t help it, a stuttering sound that spills out of him. Dirk laughs in response.

“I wouldn’t have imprisoned you,” Dirk adds as an afterthought. “You’re your own person. But I would have had some strong words.”

“I know. Dirk?”

“Mm?”

“I _am_ your friend. You’re kinda my best friend, actually.”

Dirk’s silent.

“You’re mine, too,” he whispers. Todd says nothing, but he brushes his thumb against the top of Dirk’s head, and feels him relax against him.

 

It’s easy to say that you’re going to do something, Todd thinks as he drags himself out of bed the next morning, and way harder to actually do it.

Which is an obvious thing. He shouldn’t even have to think it, that’s how obvious it is. But there’s no good way to say to your sister “hey, I’ve been lying to you about that curse I said I had for years”. He’s not sure there’s even a mediocre way. All ways are bad.

But he said he was gonna do it. And he can’t break on this resolve. Todd’s got to be better. He’s got to be better for Amanda, and for Dirk, and for him.

No matter how badly he wants to back out.

Todd gets dressed carefully, rakes a hand through his hair like it remotely matters how he looks for this, and leaves his house, willing to admit it might be the last time, if Amanda kills him.

When he gets to Amanda’s door, she opens it barely looking at him. She’s all aflutter about something Todd can’t catch the words to, something about her new friends and all the fun she’s been having. She’s speaking rapidly like she used to before the curse hit her, when she used to get excited about things, which makes it worse, somehow, that he’s about to make it all come crashing down around her.

She’s talking still, and Todd can’t find an in, and he doesn’t want to _do_ this, doesn’t want to hurt her, the one good thing he’s ever felt is a consistent desire to not hurt his sister and he’s about to-

“I didn’t have pararibulitis.”

The world falls down.

 

There’s a lot of yelling. Some crying, on both counts. Everything she hurls at him is deserved, some insults, some physical objects around her house. Todd bears all of it, answers every angry question she flings at him as best he can, dodges the heavier things. It all goes about how he thought it would, in all its complete and utter fucking shittiness, until Amanda has an attack, and Todd can’t find her potions and everything is a different awful, the kind where she’s in _another_ kind of pain, one he didn’t cause, and he can’t take care of it, right up until four dudes turn up in a carriage splattered with paint and do something… fucking weird, something that glows and is blue and is unlike any kind of magic he’s ever seen.

Amanda gets to her feet after they do whatever it is they do to make her attack go away, and she tells him that she doesn’t ever want to see him again, flanked by the magic blue whatever dudes, and she gets into their carriage, and then that’s it, she’s gone.

Todd sits on the sidewalk by her house and stares into nothing for a little while, feeling miserable that he made her miserable, and feeling angry that he thinks he has the right to feel miserable for making her miserable.

 

“How did it go?” Dirk asks when Todd climbs the mountain later that day. Todd doesn’t say anything, but instead just leans back against Dirk’s neck. Dirk doesn’t move for a second. Then he delicately snags a blanket with a claw and drops it in Todd’s lap. Todd wraps it around himself as Dirk puts his head in his lap, as always. Todd puts a hand on it, and closes his eyes.

 

“I wish I could see it.”

Todd kicks at Dirk’s claw while he takes a bite into his sandwich. It doesn’t hurt him, or stop his laughter. “I’m glad you can’t.”

“Do you have to wear a little hat?”

“…shut up. They were the only place hiring.”

Dirk laughs. It’s an infectious sort of laugh, as always, and has Todd grinning down at his sandwich despite himself.

“It’s a pretty good place to get hired, honestly. I mean. It’s fine. It might be kinda terrible. But it’ll pay the bills. And the Perriman Grand’s the nicer hotel in the city, so, y’know, that’s something.” Hotels as a practice are still relatively new, everyone thinking that the idea of an inn that was bigger than strictly necessary when there could be lots of little inns scattered around the city that were just fine was ridiculous, but they’re starting to catch on, and the Perriman Grand is definitely doing well for itself as a result.

Dirk nudges him with a wing. “I’m poking at you, but I’m proud of you.”

Todd shrugs awkwardly. “You shouldn’t be proud of me. I’m doing what adults are supposed to do.”

“You’re taking steps. That’s good.”

Todd shrugs again, flushing a little down at his sandwich.

“So what’s your schedule?”

“Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.”

“Not a lot of days.”

“They don’t need me for a lot of days.”

“Will you be all right? Financially and what have you?”

“I hope so.” Dirk’s brow furrows and Todd plows on so as not to avoid the possibility of distressing him. “But that should mean I can come visit on Fridays and Saturdays and Sundays.”

Dirk perks right up. “Oh. That’s splendid.”

“Or, I could, uh.” Todd fidgets. “I could come on Fridays and Saturday nights and not Sundays. If that was… still a thing. You wanted me to do.”

“Oh.” Dirk’s voice is different. Dumb suggestion. Todd starts mentally flailing.

“Or I could-“

“No,” he says quickly. “No, yes, please, I would like you to do the night thing.”

Todd nods, a little nervous but anxious. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

 

Working is a misery. The customers are assholes, and Todd’s boss is kind of a dick, and he _hates_ the little hat. But it’s what he’s got to do, it’s part of the hard work he has to do to be a better person, so he grits his teeth and pushes through.

Something that makes it easier to push through is that he gets to see Dirk at the end of the week. He misses seeing him every day, misses hearing his laugh and seeing the move Todd’s labeled the Awkward Dragon Dance whenever he has a surplus of feelings. He pushes through that ache of missing, reminding him that this is part of being an adult, a real one, even if he’s learning that lesson kind of late.

On Friday, he climbs the mountain. His arms ache a little from carrying people’s belongings, and he feels more tired than usual, but he does it anyway, knowing what’s up there is worth the weariness.

When he reaches the cavern, Todd’s legs feel a little weaker than usual. He’s exhausted, and wonders if he could just… go to his knees for a minute.

Dirk pokes his head out of the mouth of the cave and grins at him. Todd’s legs feel a little sturdier, and he grins back.

 

Todd sleeps almost all day on Saturday to prep for heading up the mountain at night. When he wakes up, he feels unaccountably nervous. He changes outfits multiple times, keeps checking himself over in the mirror, trying to tell if he looks better one way or worse another. He decides on an outfit not because he’s sure it’s the one that looked best, but because he knows if he rotated an outfit every few minutes trying to find the perfect one, he’d never actually climb the damn thing.

He starts climbing not long before the sun sets, so he’ll arrive close to when it goes down. Every step brings trepidation and anxiety. What if he gets up there and Dirk realizes this was a terrible idea? What if Todd finds a way to fuck this up somehow? What if he fucks up so badly Dirk never wants to see him again? What if-

When he gets to the top, Dirk is at the spot he was the last time Todd was up here when he was in human form. Todd climbs the steps (rough hewn, he suspects now, because they were carved out by dragon claw) and hovers awkwardly behind him for a second before he walks up and sits next to him. The two of them look out at the world together, the lights of the city twinkling in the distance.

“I wish I could see them in person,” Dirk murmurs.

“You will, someday.” Todd has nothing to base that promise on, no grand plan, no secret weapon to fix this for him. But he wants to. More than anything, he realizes, he wants to figure out a way to get Dirk to see what the city looks like these days. So he’s going to, even if it takes years. He’s going to find a way to keep that promise. Dirk doesn’t say anything, and Todd wonders if he’s said the wrong thing.

Then Dirk almost tentatively rests his head against his shoulder. Todd’s breath comes out in a shaky exhale, and he puts an arm around him. They sit in silence for a while, watching the lights of the city sparkle from far off.

 

Life is lived for Todd in the form of days that pass until he gets to see Dirk again. He trudges through day after day and asshole after asshole bothering him until he gets to see Dirk’s face light up when he sees him, whether he’s human or not. He misses him when he isn’t there, and he’s content whenever he gets back up.

Even if Dirk’s started asking him questions that sometimes makes him weirdly flustered.

“Todd.”

“Yeah?”

“What do I look like?”

Todd chokes on his water. “Pardon?”

Dirk folds his arms. Todd’s brought up more lanterns, so his face is illuminated by several golden, flickering lights placed around them. “What do I look like?”

“I, uh, I don’t.” Todd’s face feels hot. Why does his face feel hot? “Why do you want to know?”

“Well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Todd, but there’s not exactly a wealth of mirrors up here. And I’ve been squinting at my reflection in gold things for a long time, and occasionally even some silver ones, but as far as I can tell, it’s just a pale-ish blob with some brown at the top. And now I have someone to tell me what I look like, and I’m _very_ curious, and that takes us up to now.”

It does, and those are all totally reasonable… reasons. “Okay. Um. Yeah, sure.”

Dirk beams. “Excellent.” He scoots forwards a little from where he’s kneeling, scuffing his black pants up a bit, so he can get closer to Todd. “So. Describe me.”

“Uh.” Todd wipes his palms on his pants a little. “Okay. Um. What do you want to know?”

“…what I look like?”

“I.” He doesn’t know why he’s equivocating about this. Maybe to buy himself more time? Why does he want to buy himself more time? “I mean, is there any specific… thing? Like… do you want me to start someplace?”

“Um.” Dirk tilts his head. “Oh, okay. So I know what color my skin is, obviously-“ he waves a hand in between their faces. “And my hair color, I have a loose grasp on. It’s auburn, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, good, solid foundation. What color are my eyes?”

“Blue.”

“What _kind_ of blue, honestly, Todd, and you say you were a lyricist.”

Todd narrows his eyes. “Hey.” He’s having a lot of confusing feelings all barraging him at once right now, the last thing he needs is vague indignation at the slight against his songwriting abilities.

“Well, come _on_ , what shade?”

Okay, so, shades of blue. There has to be a nice, natural, normal answer to this that is also accurate and doesn’t have any trace of… weirdly loud sentiment.

“Kind of like… that blue the sky gets when it’s really clear and there’s no clouds and it’s just… a nice day.”

Fuck, he hates himself.

“Oh.” Dirk looks pleased, which Todd can see in vivid detail because he’s _entirely too close._ Todd’s instinct is to pull back a little, except that though it’s his instinct, he doesn’t _actually_ want to do that. He’d much rather be able to see Dirk’s face this clearly, the way his lips purse slightly when he’s trying to suppress his smile so he seems cool, the way his eyebrows lift just a little bit, the way there’s just a couple creases around his smile that make it just that much brighter, god, why does Todd keep going back to his mouth, that’s _weird._ “Okay, so, that’s good, excellent, even, maybe. What does my nose look like?”

“…average?”

“Hm. Less excellent, but not bad, certainly, so I’ll take it.”

“That’s… good, I guess.”

“And I assume I’m tall.”

“Ish, I guess, yeah.”

“Sort of skinny.”

“Maybe more lanky than skinny? I dunno, I haven’t… thought about it, a whole lot, what adjective I’d use to describe your… general frame, and you’re always in pretty baggy clothes, so, I dunno, I guess?” He’s not sure it’s true that he hasn’t thought about it before. Everything’s a bit shrouded in a mist of anxiety right now, so he could be telling the truth or he could be lying.

“Fair enough.” Dirk drums his fingers on his knee thoughtfully. “All right, one more.”

Thank _god._ “Shoot.”

“What does my face look like?”

Oh _no._ “What?”

“I mean, in general, what’s the appearance, sort of, how does it look? How do _I_ look?”

“Um.” Todd tries to run through his mind and slam down all the levers that’ll shut off the very loud noises his brain’s making. “…nice?”

Dirk blinks. “Nice?”

Oh _nooooooo._ “Yeah, it’s, uh, it’s nice, just the-“ Todd gestures vaguely, wondering if he can open up a pit and drop into it and die there. “General shape, I guess, and the, the symmetry aspect, it all just sort of… works out… nicely.”

Dirk blinks again. His cheeks gain a touch of pink. Todd tries determinedly not to look at it, but that means looking at his eyes, or some other part of his face, and now Dirk’s got him thinking about nice aspects of his face, dammit, things are _bad._ “Oh. Well. That’s, er. That’s got to be good. I hadn’t put much thought into my… face shape, before, but nice is… is good.”

Todd clears his throat. “Yep.”

“Yes. Okay. Good. Thank you, Todd.”

“No problem.” Many problems. Problems? Todd doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to think about this right now.

One of the candles goes out in the lantern. Todd curses and grabs the box of matches, moving away from Dirk a little reluctantly to relight it.

“You have… niceness, too, for the record.”

Todd promptly burns himself. “Ow.” He drops the matches on the stone and shakes his fingers a little as he looks at Dirk. “What?”

Dirk’s gone a little redder, but he looks determined. “Your face. It also has a good shape and… symmetry element.”

“Oh.” Todd’s heart is doing a weird thing. “Um. Well. That’s good. Thank you.”

“I mean, I assume you already knew, you have regular access to mirrors but just a… quick extra confirmation there, in case you were curious.”

“Yep. Thank you, that’s, uh, that’s considerate.”

“No problem.” Dirk, mercifully, goes back to his sandwich, and they’re both quiet for a while after that.

 

Trying to decode what the sudden onslaught of feelings that had felt less _new_ and more _previously lurking and now predominantly broadcasting_ during work is a poor decision, Todd discovers, for a couple reasons. The first is that apparently he keeps making weird faces, and someone’s complained to his boss. The second is that he keeps getting distracted, and if he drops another chest on his foot, he’s gonna get really irritable really quickly.

 

“Have you heard from Amanda?” Dirk asks.

Todd shakes his head. It’s been a month and a half since he told her the truth. There hasn’t been a letter or an appearance or anything, and he hasn’t gone looking. He doesn’t think he has the right to. He hopes she’s okay, though, hopes she’s happy with her new loud scruffy friends, and that wherever she is, she’s happy.

“Ah.” Dirk’s quiet for a second, drumming his talons on the ground. “All right, well, in the interest of full disclosure, I did see her, this week, while you were at work.”

Todd blinks, looking up. “Wait, really?”

“Yes.”

“I…” Todd feels at a loss. He doesn’t know what he’s allowed to ask.

“I told her that you’d found a job.”

“Okay.”

“And she said I could tell you that she was all right, and with her friends, and nothing else that she had told me.”

“…okay.” That’s more than he expected, and something he’ll gladly take. “Why did you ask if I’d heard from her, if you knew I hadn’t?”  
“I panicked.”

Yeah, that checks out. “Did you see her new friends?”

“No. She left them at the base of the mountain.” There’s something off in Dirk’s tone, something a little clipped and tense. Todd frowns.

“Are you okay?”

“I… have been acquainted. With her friends.”

“What?”

“Yes. We were all in Blackwing together quite some time ago. They call themselves the Rowdy Three.” 

“There was four of them, wasn’t there?”

“Yes, I am wildly aware.” Dirk’s talons clatter rhythmically against the ground again. “We… didn’t get along, exactly.”

“Why?”

“They didn’t… seem to like me very much.”

Todd’s frown deepens as he sits up straight. “Wait, did they hurt you?”

“I…” Dirk sighs, avoiding eye contact, which is impressive for someone with such large eyes. “It’s very complicated.”

“I mean, it’s kind of a yes or no answer.”

Dirk sighs again, a deeper one this time that blows Todd’s hair back a little. “Blackwing doesn’t involve a whole lot of yes or no answers. The short of it is that yes, I suppose after a fashion, they _did_ hurt me, but Blackwing is a very… murky place, morally, and while I have no interest in harboring them or their particular brand of ill mannered hooliganism, I don’t actually have any interest in fighting them, although maybe a good stiff yell might be acceptable.”

Todd wonders how much scrawnier Dirk would have been when they knew him, and how much bigger than him they would have been. “I could fight them for you.”

Dirk goes a little deeper shade of yellow. “That’s very gallant of you, but highly unnecessary. Especially as I think it would most likely put you even _further_ in trouble with your sister.”

“Oh. Yeah.” A flare of panic hits Todd. “Wait, they won’t hurt her, will they?”

“No.” Dirk’s answer is reassuringly immediate. “I’ve got a feeling about it, one of the universey holistic sort of feelings. A rare useful one. Amanda’s supposed to be with them, I think, and they wouldn’t hurt a hair on her head. I promise.”

“…okay.” Todd’s still new to the whole holistic premise, but he believes Dirk. Probably, he thinks, because he doesn’t have any other options.

_She’s all right_ , he thinks as he pulls out a book to read to Dirk, Dirk settling in comfortably next to him, and he smiles.

 

“Ooh.” Dirk perks up as soon as he sees Todd has something on his back, hands putting down whatever they were fiddling with in his lap. “Did you bring presents?”

Todd shrugs awkwardly. “I dunno, I guess.”

Dirk gives him the wonky eyebrow. “You don’t know if you have things with you or not?”

“I, I mean, I don’t think you’d define it as a present, so. I dunno, I guess.”

“My curiosity is killing me, Todd.”

“You look pretty alive to me.”

Dirk immediately drops what he was fidgeting with (it looks like a bit of string he was knotting and unknotting), drops from being cross legged to lying flat on his back, and shuts his eyes, sticking his tongue out. It all feels like one fluid, overdramatic gesture.

Todd snorts. “All right, point made.”

Dirk pops his eyes back open. “So. What’s in the bag?”

“It’s not a bag, it’s a case.” Todd gently puts it on the ground and opens it up. He awkwardly pulls the lute out as Dirk sits bolt upright.

“Oh.”

“You, uh, you mentioned you wanted to hear me play, and the electrical lute involves… electrical stuff, but I found this acoustical one, so, I just, I dunno, if you still want to hear me play, I thought maybe-“

“Yes.” Dirk nods eagerly, the picture of attentiveness. “Yes, I do still want to hear that.”

Todd sits on the plateau surrounded by lanterns, leaning his back against the rock. He checks for the last time that it’s tuned, and he begins to play.

It’s been forever since he’s played for anyone who wasn’t Amanda. Hell, it’s been ages since he played for her. There’s an anxiety that comes from playing for someone for the first time in a while, and an anxiety that comes from playing for Dirk specifically, but it melts away as he feels the strings press into his fingers, hears the notes as they come out. This is something he knows how to do, he thinks, something he’s good at. He’s not good at a lot in life, but he _knows_ this. He remembers how to do this, how he learned, what it’s supposed to sound like, and it _does_ , the lute sounds right, his voice sounds right. It feels like all the stress of the past couple months melts away, the fix of having a skill healing it over.

When Todd finishes the song, some of the nervousness from before returns and for a moment, he can’t quite look Dirk in the face. He steels himself and raises his eyes. Dirk’s watching him with wide eyes, lips parted slightly. He looks soft and it’s making Todd’s chest sort of tighten and expand at the same time.

“That was really good,” he whispers.

Todd shuffles a little. “I mean, to be fair, you haven’t heard any music in… a while.”

Dirk rolls his eyes. “Just because it’s been a long time doesn’t mean I don’t know what I _like_ , Todd, or that I don’t know what’s good, and I both liked that and knew it was good.”

Todd flushes. “Um. Thanks.”

“Can you… could you play some more?”

Todd nods and looks back down at the instrument, trying and he thinks probably failing to keep the smile off his face.

 

Todd lies on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

This might have been easier, he thinks, if he had anyone to talk to these days. He could have talked this over with Amanda, if he hadn’t adamantly burned bridges years ago. But now he’s on his own, and the only person he wants to talk to about this (or could talk to about this, for that matter) is the person he’s having emotions about.

Romantical type emotions, if he’s being totally honest with himself.

It’d also be easier if it was just a “whoops caught a feelings bug” crush, too. Todd’s had those. They’re inconvenient at the time, but they go away. This isn’t a feelings bug. This is a… realer thing. This is deeper. This is a “I bet it would be nice to wake up next to you every morning and live with you and maybe spend the rest of my life with you” thing. 

The first time he thinks that, he spirals into a mild panic attack. He’s never been great at handling feelings when he first starts experiencing them or realizing that he’s experiencing them. After he jumps that hurdle, though, it’s different. It can take a little work, but once he’s over his “what am I supposed to do with intense love-adjacent emotions” freakout, he tends to jump in wholeheartedly, embracing it with almost unrestrained enthusiasm. The prospect of said enthusiasm is also frightening, before he gets there, not to mention having to make a plan about what to do once he’s _actually_ okay with his feelings.

Telling Dirk, namely, as far as plans go, is an _unbelievably_ terrifying one. What would Todd even say? How do people even do that? How do people even talk to one another? _Why_ do they even talk to one another? Why can’t everyone just walk around in relative silence? Wouldn’t everyone be a whole lot happier that way?

For now, he thinks, he’s gonna just… leave it where it is. The feelings, he knows, aren’t going anywhere. And the total embracing thing is coming, but it’s not here yet, and he’s just gonna have to… ride all this out. He can delay making a plan. He doesn’t _have_ to think about this yet, so he’s not going to.

Procrastination, he thinks, is highly underrated.

 

Todd’s coming up on Sunday afternoons now, even though he’s often still tired from spending most of the night with Dirk on Saturdays (he leaves before dawn; Dirk seems to be uncomfortable with the idea of Todd sticking around for him changing back and Todd doesn’t want to upset him). He misses him too much to miss an extra opportunity to see him. God, he really is screwed.

“I like this book,” Dirk says contentedly. “You should bring up more books like this.”

Todd’s running out of books to read Dirk, and he doesn’t have a lot of poetry books to begin with, but he’ll figure something out. “Sure, why not?”

Dirk raises his head from Todd’s knee with a frown.

“What?”

“There’s someone coming up the mountain.”

“How can you tell?”

“They’re wearing armor. I can hear.”

Todd strains his ears. He can hear clanking a little distantly, too. He sits a little straighter, wishing he’d still brought a sword, or maybe a crossbow or something. Dirk’s tail curls around to slide in between the entrance to the cavern and Todd protectively.

A knight emerges in the entrance. They appear significantly less winded than Todd was the first time, simple worn armor over brown wrappings and chain mail, their visor down, a worryingly large sword in their hands. They say something to the two of them, but it’s muffled through the visor.

“What?” Todd asks at the same time Dirk goes “sorry, can you repeat that?”

The knight pushes their visor up, revealing a woman with dark skin and a fierce, pretty face.

“I _said_ ,” she says, voice a little annoyed. “Do you have the princess?”

“What presence?”

“ _Princess._ ”

“Well, all right, yes, that too, then.”

“The princess.” She stares at their blank faces for a moment. “Princess Lydia? Patri- Lord Spring’s daughter?”

“Is she missing?” Todd asks, a little startled.

“Lord Spring has a daughter?” Dirk adds.

“I. Yes.” The knight wilts a little. “You. You really don’t know where she is?”

“I haven’t been to the city in over a decade, so I’m afraid I’m really not who you’re looking for.”

The knight wilts even further. “Oh.”

She looks so lost that Todd feels a little sorry for her. “Do you want to sit down for a minute? I mean, you just climbed up here, and you don’t look like you have any water, so. I mean.” He looks up at Dirk. “ _Can_ she sit down for a minute? It’s your place-“

“No, no, of course. I mean, I’m not _extraordinarily_ pleased that a princess went missing and your first thought was ‘dragon’, but it’s a common misunderstanding, and you seem polite enough, so please, sit down. I’m Dirk, this is Todd.”

“I’m Farah.” She tugs off her helmet, still looking kind of exhausted. “Hi.”

 

Farah’s a little fidgety and anxious, but eventually she tells them what’s going on, in the barest of terms. Lord Spring’s daughter, Lydia, has disappeared. Farah, her personal knight and bodyguard, is trying to find her. 

“Have you tried looking where you didn’t expect?” Dirk asks curiously. “When I was a kid, I used to search for my schoolbooks where I didn’t think I’d leave them, and I’d find them at _least_ twenty five percent of the time there.”

“It’s a big city.” Farah looks tired. “There’s a lot of places not to expect. I thought that, I dunno, maybe you had her, or some wisdom, or something.”

“A common misconception. In reality, I don’t know _anything._ It’s really quite relaxing.”

“Can confirm,” Todd agrees. “The not knowing anything part, not the relaxing part. I… don’t like not knowing things.”

Dirk nudges at him with his wing. “Hush.”

Farah rubs at her forehead. “I don’t know. I’ll figure it out.” She gets to her feet. “I’d better go. I’ve been up here long enough, I have to keep looking.”

“Here, let me get your helmet and some water for you.” Todd hoists both those things and walks her to the entrance to the cavern.

“How long have you two known each other?”

“I dunno. Six months, ish? I haven’t… really thought about it.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“I dunno. It just seemed like you’d known each other for years.”

“Todd,” Dirk calls. “I’m afraid I’ve torn some of the book up, a bit, by accident, sorry.”

“Yeah, no, it’s been less than a year, and I hate him.” Todd’s smiling a little fondly, though, so he thinks it’s obvious that he doesn’t mean it.

“Uh-huh.” She gives him a hesitant pat on the shoulder. “Thanks for… being here. To let me talk it out. And not attacking me when I came up here with a sword.”

“I’m… not a great attacker.”

She nods a little awkwardly, puts her helmet on, and heads back down the mountain. Todd returns to Dirk. “She seemed nice.”

“Yeah.” Dirk looks a little forlorn, eyebrows drawn together tight.

“Hey, are you okay? Did she say something to you?”

“No, it’s…” Dirk sighs a little. “It’s the universe.”

“What about it?”

“It’s…” Dirk’s tail is twitching restlessly. “It’s bothering me. It’s doing the thing it does. About her.”

“About Farah?”

“Well, maybe not her _exactly_ , but related to her, I think. Related to the… Spring thing. It’s nagging at me. And it’s just… going to be another one of those things, where the universe pokes at me and pokes at me and pokes at me and I get more and more frustrated and I feel like the universe gets even more and more frustrated and then it stops but I’m miserable.” Dirk drums his talons on the cavern floor. “I just…when I was a kid, I really wanted to be a detective, I thought that was how I would be useful and helpful, I thought that would make it all worthwhile, if I could help people, and this is the first perfect opportunity for that I’ve seen in a long time, and I just…” Dirk sighs. “I’m not enjoying it.”

Todd’s quiet for a second. Then he scoots a little closer to Dirk and runs his hand against his head. It always seems to soothe Dirk when he gets anxious, and today is no exception; he relaxes a little into Todd, sighing softly in a way that sounds different til the previous sigh.

“I’m sorry the universe is jerking you around,” he says. “I’d make it stop, if I could.”

“I know you would.” Dirk sounds a little calmer than he did before. “That means a lot to me.”

“Do you want me to read to you some more?”

“Yes, please.”

Todd grabs the bits of the book Dirk hadn’t accidentally ripped, and starts reading.

 

There’s just barely enough in his budget to get a new book of poetry, Todd thinks as he heads up towards the suite his boss wanted him to look at. He can afford it, just enough. He’ll have to look and see for things he thinks Dirk might like-

Then he opens the door up and sees blood on the floor, and forgets about the book.

 

Dirk blinks at the sight of Todd that afternoon, looking startled. “Oh. Why are you here? Not that I’m complaining, but isn’t it Monday?”

Todd tugs off his shoes and drops them next to him, his feet aching. Maybe coming here straight from the hotel was the wrong move. “Yeah.”

“Then-“

“I got fired.”

“You got _fired?_ ”

“Yeah.”

“What for?”

Todd lies on his back on the ground, eyes closed. “I opened a door that shouldn’t have been opened.”

“You did what?”

Todd opens his eyes. “I found Lord Spring’s body surrounded by a lot of other dead guys and my boss fired me cause it’d look bad for the hotel. And now those guys from the Watch who were kinda suspicious about my landlord dying are now even more suspicious about me, which isn’t great.”

“You found his body? So soon after Farah came up here?” Dirk sounds a little distressed.

“I guess.” Todd rolls his head over to look at him. “Why do you look so…worried?”

“I have some concerns that the universe is entangling you in its occasionally dangerous oddness and I would… rather it wouldn’t.”

“It’s probably just a coincidence. Besides, weren’t you all clue or accomplice or assistant or whatever before?”

“Hmm. Yes, well, that was before, this is now.” His wings flutter. “I’m sorry you lost your job. What are you gonna do now?”

“I dunno. I guess I’ll figure it out.”

Dirk’s lips twitch. “The least you could’ve done is worn your little hat up here.”

Todd grins a little, the first time he has all day, he thinks. “Shut up.”

“I’m serious. I’ll never get to see it now.”

“You’re just… the worst.”

 

On the way back, Todd stumbles across a dog, the same Corgi he’s seen wandering around over the past day, and kneels down, scooping her up in his arms so he can take her back to her owner. It’s gonna be his good deed, he thinks. His day was awful and absolutely shitty, but maybe the day’s better if he just… does something right.

The dog’s owner having what looks like the drawings of Princess Lydia in his house is… less right, probably, he thinks.

 

The next morning, someone hammers on Todd’s door. Todd staggers towards it, still in his short sleeved tunic and boxers, and opens it up.

Farah is standing there, looking a little worse for the wear but still upright, leaning against the doorframe.

“Hi,” she rasps. “I was being held against my will in the apartment above yours and then a crossbow bolt that I think was meant for you killed one of the guys and I took care of the other two, and you seemed like the best option to talk to about this. Well, maybe not necessarily the _best_ option, but the one available to me.”

Todd gapes at her for a second.

“Oh,” he says faintly. “Okay. Why don’t, uh, why don’t you come in, and I’ll… get you some food and…” he looks over her clothes, kind of torn. “Some new clothes, and…” he flounders for a second before he alights on the answer all of the sudden. “Oh. And then we’ll go and talk to Dirk.”

 

“Dirk,” Todd calls when they get up the mountain. “Are you there? It’s me.”

“When am I ever _not_ here?” It’s a fair point, which is something Todd doesn’t get to acknowledge before Dirk pokes his head out of the cavern entrance and rears back a little in surprise at the sight of Farah. “Oh. Hello again, Farah. It’s nice to see you.”

“Hi.”

“You look like someone’s hit you in the face.”

“They did. There’s a lot of very… strange, and seemingly disconnected but then suddenly connected things happening all around me, and Todd said I should come to you about those… things?”

“Did he?”

“Yes?”

Dirk tilts his head, looking at her for a long moment. “Would you excuse Todd and I for just a moment?”

“Sure.”

Dirk motions with his head for Todd to come into the cavern. Todd obeys, following him in.

“Why did you bring her to me?” Dirk whispers.

“Because I think this might be one of your thingies.”

“My thingies?”

“Your holistic thingies. I think you were right.”

“I didn’t _want_ to be right.”

“But you _did_ want to be a detective, right?”

“I.” Dirk looks thrown. “What?”

“You wanted to be a detective.”

“Yes.”

“And you feel frustrated and upset when you’re not.”

“I. Yes, I suppose that _is_ what I said, more or less.”

“And it’s all true?”

“It is.”

“So this’ll help, right? This’ll take care of that?”

“I… yes. I guess so.”

“So let’s do it. Let’s figure this thing out.”

Dirk straightens a little. “Let’s?”

“Um, yeah.”

“As in… we? The two of us?”

“Yeah.”

“You… want to solve this? With me? Together?”

“Yeah, of course.” Todd suddenly second guesses himself. “I mean, unless you don’t want, I just thought-“

“No,” Dirk cuts in quickly. “No, I, yes, please, very much yes.” He beams wide at Todd and Todd grins back. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

 

The day is a whirlwind, a mess of the feeling of adventure and conferring with each other. Dirk seems more alive than Todd’s maybe ever seen him, wings fluttering in excitement instead of anxiety, motioning more with his talons than Todd’s ever seen. They try and piece together things from the very few clues they have, and the day ends with Dirk giving them both very specific instructions as to what to do the next day. Before they leave, Dirk catches the hem of his shirt with his talon.

“Thank you,” he whispers, and Todd flushes a little.

“No problem,” he whispers back, chest feeling warm.

 

The next day involves a crazy man with a regular crossbow, some crazier dudes with what seem to be electrical crossbows, a shower curtain, a building burning, and the Corgi. The day is far too long and exhausting for Todd to have time to go up and see Dirk, so after he sees Farah and confers with her about progress and clues and all that kinds of shit, he trudges back to his apartment about an hour after the sun sets. He wearily steps through the door, closing it behind him.

“Hi!” Someone chirps from _inside his apartment_ even though there hadn’t been anyone else in it when he left. Todd yelps and hurls a shoe at the sound.

“Ow!”

Todd blinks at the person half dangling through his window. “Wait, _Dirk?_ ”

Dirk manages to haul himself through his window and land on the floor in a tangle of his own limbs. “Oof.”

Todd rushes over and kneels next to him. Dirk’s in a white tunic with dark pants and his yellow jacket thrown over it. He looks more official than Todd’s ever seen him. 

“What the hell, man-“

“ _Me_ what the hell, _you_ what the hell, what are you _doing_ here-“

“Do you throw shoes at _everyone_ who comes in here?”

“You were climbing through my _window_ -“

“Regardless.” Dirk straightens a little.

“Dirk, why are you _down_ here?”

“Well, there’s not a lot I can do from my cave, so I decided to come to the city and see what I could do.”

“But-“

“I managed to make my way to the woods through a combination of low unobtrusive flying and some sneaking on the ground, and I found a place to hide in them, so I waited til the sun went down and then I came here!”

“How did you find my apartment?”

Dirk shrugs. “Followed a hunch.”

“Oh.”

Dirk’s enthusiastic expression falters a little. “I mean, I suppose I’ve shown up… somewhat unannounced, so if you want, I can go somewhere else, I-“

“No,” Todd says quickly. “No, no, I definitely, I want, I was just worried about you, and kinda confused, I guess.”

Dirk’s brightness returns in full. “Excellent!”

“But, I mean, there’s not a whole lot you can do right now, Dirk.”

“There will be.” Dirk sounds completely confident. “I’m sure of it. Maybe not tonight, but tomorrow night.”

Todd’s still got some flutters of worry in his stomach. “Are you sure you’re safe here? What if people from town find you and they wanna-“

“I feel safer here than I do up the mountain at this point.”

“What? Why?”

Dirk’s face twitches and he looks down. “Riggins came to see me today,” he admits quietly.

Where Todd’s stomach had been fluttering, now it drops. “He _what?_ ”

“I suppose it was too much to hope for that he wouldn’t know where I was, I mean, I’m a large dragon known for changing colors and living at the top of a mountain, if word got around down here word would have got around back to him.”

“What did he want, did he hurt you, are you okay-“ Todd grabs Dirk’s hands, bizarrely, looks them over like Riggins might have done something to them.

“I’m fine.” Dirk doesn’t pull his hands away. “He came up with a large blond man who threw a rock at me.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Don’t worry, it wasn’t a very big rock.”

“It’s still a _rock_ , Dirk.”

“Yes, well. Better one that just bounced off me than did any damage.”

“I guess.”

“He wanted me to come back. I suppose there are other people in Blackwing who want to start roping us back in.”

“What did you say?”

“I… might have threatened to roast him. He didn’t really believe I’d do it, and he was right, but I still made noise about it.” Dirk shrugs a little. “I’ll be ready to go back up in a few days, I think, but it doesn’t feel safe. Right here… this feels better.”

Todd doesn’t know how to make the haunted look on Dirk’s face go away, so he tries some levity. “I mean. He shouldn’t have made you something big and scary that could light people on fire if he didn’t want to be threatened to be lit on fire.”

It helps a little, some of the clouds lifting from Dirk’s eyes. “Yes, that was my thinking.”

Todd grins at him. “I mean, yeah, you could be noticed cause you were bigger and changed colors, but also, _flames._ ”

“Really, it could have all backfired on him so dramatically.”

“Streaks of fire.”

“Absolute madness.”

“Utter chaos.”

“His mustache on fire.”

Todd bursts out laughing. When he looks up, Dirk’s grinning back at him, fewer shadows in his face.

Todd’s exhausted. His legs ache from running with a shower curtain on him and a Corgi in his arms (a Corgi who’s found the sandwich Todd had left on his counter from his intended lunch for this afternoon, has somehow jumped up on the counter, and is now munching on the thing). But there’s remnants of adrenaline from thinking someone was breaking into his apartment (someone unwanted, anyway), and Dirk’s shoulders are still tense, and his hands are warm in his own.

“Come with me,” he says, standing up and pulling Dirk with him.

“Where are we going?”

Todd lets go of his hands a little reluctantly so he can shrug on his jacket and grab the brass knuckles Farah gave him, shoving them in his pocket just in case. “You’ll see.” He pauses and glances back at the dog. “You’ll be okay on your own, right?”

The Corgi barks once and returns to the sandwich.

“What’s up with that dog?” Dirk whispers as Todd locks his door. “Do you think it might be dog hypnotists?”

“I don’t, actually.”

“Well, you could at least think about it a little.”

Todd grins, shaking his head as they walk down the stairs.

 

Todd’s a little worried about running into shady, scary, dangerous kind of people in the streets by his apartment, but for once, the streets are mercifully quiet. Darkness has fallen properly since Todd had returned to his apartment, and pretty much every vendor or merchant that haunts the streets has packed it in for the night.

“Where are we going?”

“Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”

“I’m not entirely sure that’s true.”

Todd snorts. “Shut up, I’m looking for-“ he turns the corner and stops. Dirk stops dead with him. “There we go.”

The area of the city Todd lives in has always been a little dingier than other parts. It’s known for it, actually. But there are better parts, cleaner ones, prettier ones, parts with all kinds of different examples of architecture, depending on when that part of the city was last redesigned. It’s only a two minute walk or so to one of those parts from Todd’s apartment. Here, the street curves in an arc and is surrounded by great stone buildings, wood doors in beautiful arches. Lampposts line the street as well, golden candles flickering off the buildings. Dirk looks dumbfounded by the sight.

“Oh,” he whispers. He takes a few steps forwards and rests his hand gently against a lamppost, gazing up first at it and then at the buildings around him, face wonderstruck. A pixie flutters down from where they were hovering by the lantern, crystalline wings vibrating. Dirk reaches out to them, eyes wide, and promptly yelps and withdraws his fingers after the thing bites him.

“Hey,” Todd says sternly. “Buzz off.”

The pixie flits up to him and hovers right in front of his face, roughly the size of the distance from the bottom of his chin to the bridge of his nose. They snap their fingers over exaggeratedly and he rolls his eyes. He digs around in his pocket and flips them a coin. They snap their fingers again. Todd shakes his head.

“You’d have gotten more if you hadn’t bit my friend,” he says. “That’s the best you’ll get. Now get lost.”

The pixie harrumphs, but leaves. Todd walks up to Dirk and pulls a bandage from his pocket, wrapping it around the small puncture mark on his finger.

“I started carrying these around today,” he explains at Dirk’s questioning look. “In case one of us started getting hurt. Just… seemed wise.”

“Oh. Yes. Did it _have_ to be pink?”

“Hey, it was cheap.”

“I’m not _really_ complaining.”

“You are, a little bit.”

Dirk grins at him, lit up all in gold. “Maybe a little bit.”

Todd grins back and then looks around. “There’s other places with more lights,” he says. “But I don’t know how long it’ll take to reach them, and I don’t wanna push it when it comes to the sunrise. But, well, I promised you that you’d see them in person someday. So. Yeah.”

“It’s everything I dreamed it’d be.” Dirk seems both soft and radiant, and Todd can feel the end of his emotions-related freakout arrive so suddenly. Even if he’s not ready to act on anything yet, he thinks, even if that’s too much too soon, he is ready to embrace it, ready to ease into this overwhelming, unbelievable sea of emotions. He looks back at him instead of the new world around him, clearly oblivious to the experience Todd’s just had. “Thank you.”

Todd smiles back, the warmth in his chest feeling comfortable. Like it belongs there. “No problem.”

They linger in the street for a while, Todd still loosely holding onto Dirk’s fingers from where he’d put the bandage on, just wandering up and down it and looking at the way the street lamps play off the stone.

 

“Todd.”

“Hmph?” Todd blinks. They were just on the nice street, he thinks, Todd telling small stories of various places in the city he’d been in. Now they’re on his street.

“You were falling asleep standing up.”

“What time’s it?”

“Not sure. Still got a few hours til the sun rises, but you need to sleep. We have a busy case ahead of us.”

“Mm.” Dirk’s supporting him, he realizes. He’s got an arm wrapped around his waist to help. It’s nice.

The two of them make their way up Todd’s stairs. Todd clumsily opens the door. The Corgi is asleep on a pile of his tunics. He staggers towards the dresser and pulls out a pair of loose pants, sleepily shucking his old ones and climbing into those, too exhausted to care that he’s not in private. He sways a little and blinks. “Whoa.”

“What is it?”

Todd glances over at Dirk, who’s looking studiously at the ceiling. “I’m… very tired.”

A small smile curves his lips. “I’d noticed, yes.”

“Also I’m wearing pants now.”

“Ah.” His cheeks go pink very slightly. “Good to know.” He returns his gaze to Todd and quickly catches his arm as he sways again. “Come on. Bed.”

Todd crawls into bed, curling up under the covers a little and sighing. “Blankets are great.”

“They certainly are.” Dirk pulls one of them up over him gently. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Hey, where are you gonna be?”

“Don’t worry, I left a note with Farah before I came to your apartment, she seems like she’d be good at following directions and knowing how to get places.”

“S’true.” Todd reaches out and grabs at Dirk’s hand before he can draw back and before he can think better of it. “M’sorry those guys showed up. M’sorry I couldn’t help with that.”

Dirk’s hand is tense against his for just a moment. Then he slowly and softly drags his fingers against Todd’s palm.

“You helped enough,” he says softly. “Thank you, Todd.”

“Mmm.”

Dirk’s fingers brush against his hand once more, and then Todd is falling back into unconsciousness.

 

“You know, when you first brought me to Dirk, I thought you two knew _exactly_ what you were doing.” Farah tries holding the map a different way. “I thought the two of you did this regularly, that you were experts.”

“Yeah?” Todd tilts his head to the side so he can look at the map from a different angle.

“Yep.”

“And how about now?”

“Now I think you’re both relatively nice if very weird people who clearly have no idea what they’re doing.”

“Yeah,” Todd agrees, about thirty seconds before Farah realizes what the map is supposed to be. “That could be on our business cards, if we had any.”

 

Dirk, for all his other shining qualities, as it turns out, is kinda useless in a death maze that he thinks might be specifically designed for the two of them. The term _death maze_ , Todd thinks as he pounds on a brick wall trying to find a way out so the two of them don’t burn to death at nine pm on a Wednesday, which feels like the weirdest, dumbest time to die at, might be extremely literal in this case.

“Todd,” Dirk coughs from behind him. “I just wanted to apologize, both for being somewhat useless in the context of the killer maze thing, but also for-“

“Shut up, Dirk, just-“

The wall in front of them kind of… implodes from the inside, like someone’s swung a large hammer at it. The two of them yelp and skitter back, Dirk gripping onto Todd’s arms before an arm reaches through the hole and yanks Todd through it and then across the floor on the opposite side of the wall. Hands grapple at him and it takes him a moment to recognize them as Farah’s.

“Are you okay?” she demands.

“Dirk,” he gasps, looking around. He sees him on the ground, and catches a glimpse of his white, frightened face before it’s obscured by the four hulking figures over him. Todd doesn’t know who they are, can’t tell, his eyes adjusting to the light still, but knows that whoever they are, they can’t possibly mean well for him. He launches himself to his still kinda rubbery legs to sort of collapse over Dirk, bracing one hand against the floor to keep himself draped protectively over him. 

“No,” he rasps.

“Todd.” Dirk pulls weakly at his arm. “Todd, don’t-“

Todd doesn’t move, trying to blink the faces of these men into existence. He rears back a little when he recognizes them. _Amanda’s friends._ He remembers the way Dirk had shuffled talking about them before, the anxiety he’d carried with him and he grits his teeth, trying to make his body obey him and get over the whole “death maze almost being burned alive smoke in the lungs” thing so he can stand up and take them on. They’re all considerably bigger than him, and it probably wouldn’t go well, but he’s got to try. “Leave him alone.”

The four of them exchange a look that Todd thinks is amused before they take a closer step as one. Todd doesn’t budge, even as Dirk tugs on his arm even more insistently than before.

“Wait!” A familiar voice shouts. “Wait, boys, _stop!_ ”

The Rowdy Three freeze, and then take a few steps back. Amanda steps forwards in the gap they leave, wearing a greenish dress, her hair tugged into a ponytail that showcases her undercut.

“Amanda?” Todd manages.

Something flickers across her face. “Hey.” Her eyes slide behind him. “Dirk?”

“Hello, Amanda,” Dirk whispers.

“I haven’t seen you human before.”

“Yes, that’s a common gap in people’s knowledge.”

Amanda, much to Todd’s surprise, holds out her hand. He takes it, a little hesitantly, and she helps him up, dropping the hand almost as soon as he’s on his feet. He turns to Dirk and helps him up in turn. Dirk leans on him a little. Todd lets him.

“Todd?” Farah asks, eyes flickering over them. “Who’s this?”

“This is my sister, Amanda, and her… scruffy friends.” Todd thinks he sees the briefest flash of a smile cross her face, but his mind might have been playing tricks on him. “Amanda, this is Farah, she’s… awesome.”

“Cool.” Amanda gives her an approving nod. “Hey. Cool jacket.”

 

Amanda and the Rowdy Three, it turns out, have been riding around in their carriage for the two months or so since Todd saw her last. She and Dirk catch up rapid-fire, speaking too fast for Todd to catch in some places. He sits next to Dirk, still wary of the four men playing some kind of game in the corner of the room, but spends most of it talking to Farah, trying to give Dirk and Amanda some privacy.

Eventually, Todd yawns loud enough that he hears his jaw make a noise and Dirk flutters to life beside him in his direction this time instead of Amanda’s, grabbing his arm.

“Oh hell, Todd, it must be incredibly late, what time is it-“

“Un-“ Todd yawns again. “Unknown.”

“I should head off, I wouldn’t want to, you know-“ Dirk mimes an explosion with his hands, blowing out his cheeks as he does so. Todd smiles fondly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, remember, we’re digging for _buried treasure._ ” He sounds absolutely gleeful.

“I know.”

“So rest up.” Dirk pats his shoulder before rising to his feet, stretching a little.

Todd eyes the Rowdy Three, still occupied in their game (Todd thinks it involves cards, but it also seems to involve a lot of arm punching). “Do you want me to walk you back to where you’re stationed?”

“We ain’t gonna hurt him.” The leader, Martin, he thinks, flicks a card at the smaller one, Vogel, who catches it in his teeth. “Y’don’t need to play bodyguard.”

Todd’s still a little suspicious, but Amanda gives an affirming nod, and that seems to be enough for Dirk, who cheerfully says “no, thank you, Todd!” and weaves his way out of the room, albeit giving the Rowdy Three a wide berth. 

Amanda and Todd sit in awkward silence for a couple moments before Farah and the Rowdy Three stand at the same time.

“I’m gonna go do…” Farah trails off for a second. “Some other stuff.” She slips out of the room.

“And we’re gonna go be someplace that doesn’t involve such a heavy fog of discomfort and what have you,” Martin says. “Let us know when you need us, Drummer.”

All of them wave at her, and then they leave, too.

“So,” Amanda says. “She seems nice.”

“Yeah.”

“Is she, y’know… single? And maybe not entirely straight?”

“I dunno. I don’t think she’s seeing anyone, but there’s been a lot of… running. And throwing things at other things. And… dead people.”

Amanda snorts. “You were the most boring guy in the world and now this.”

“Yeah, funny how that works out.”

They’re quiet again.

“You really hurt me,” she says suddenly. “You know that, right? What you did. That was really fucked up.”

Todd takes a long, shaky breath. “Yeah. I know. I’m sorry.”

“Dirk said you got a job.”

“Yeah. I mean, I got fired from it. But it’s cause I opened this door and there was a dead body and it was… really dumb. I’ll try and find another one after this. If this doesn’t kill me.”

“He’s made you better.” Her voice is steady and sure. “You know that, too. You’re a better person knowing him than you were before.”

“Yes.” That answer is immediate. “Yeah, I am.”

“Like, now you’re not lying to me, and you’re trying, and that’s more than you were doing before.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“He speaks pretty highly of you, you know.”

Todd doesn’t have anything to say to that, so he just sort of shrugs awkwardly. Amanda nudges him with her shoulder.

“He’s cute when he’s human shaped.”

Todd flushes. “I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Come onnnnnnnn, I know your tells, I see the looks, I _know_ you’ve thought about that.”

“Nope.”

She laughs, and for a second it’s so like it used to be that it’s painful and somehow not at the same time. Todd grins at the floor, and the silence is more companionable this time.

“I miss having you as my brother,” she says finally. “I miss you. And I’m not ready to have you as a brother again yet, I think, but… I think I could, maybe. In the future.”

Hope blossoms in his chest. He tries not to let it show too much on his face. “I’d… like that. I’d like to be your brother again, someday. When you’re ready. No rush.”

She gives him a look that is almost affectionate. “All right, you gotta go to bed, you gotta like solve a murder and shit.”

Todd stands up and pulls her to her feet. Amanda claps him on the back.

“Good luck with whatever unresolved shit you have going on with Dirk.”

Todd rolls his eyes. “Good luck with your hooligan friends and trying to hit on Farah.”

“Hey, she’s way out of your league but way in mine, so.”

 

Being a holistic detective’s assisfriend (Dirk’s official term for him, which Todd’s thinking about contesting) involves a lot of running, and people pointing weapons at you, and solving the case involving the extremely rare and mostly hitherto unknown soul swapping spell (which is admittedly kinda great), and threatened by disheveled murder people who seem to think it’s their job to kill said holistic detective, and getting the _shit_ electrocuted out of you thanks to electrical crossbows.

None of these things, however, are as bad as seeing Dirk get shot twice.

“Just get me to the woods,” Dirk tells him through gritted teeth as Todd tries to get to his feet. “Just get me-“

“Dirk, you’ve been shot, _twice,_ you need-“

“It’ll heal when I’m all-“ Dirk tries to wave a hand and winces with a little whimper, which doesn’t make Todd feel any better. “When I’m bigger and scalier, I heal faster, I just need to get to the woods and then I’ll transform back-“

“You need to get to a healer, Dirk, _please_ -“ he tries to rise to his feet but he sinks to his knees again, his legs too weak and buzzy to support him.

“It’ll be okay.” Dirk’s smiling at him weakly, even though he’s so pale and clearly so out of it. It’s the last thing Todd sees as his vision fizzles to black. “It’ll be fine.”

 

Todd wakes up to Amanda throwing water in his face. He sits bolt upright from where he was lying on his couch.

“Where’s-“

“Back up the mountain.” Todd notices the sunlight streaming through the windows (struggling a little to do so, probably; it’s been too long since he cleaned them). “Farah told me she got him to the woods where he’d been hiding and stayed with him until he turned back and flew up Icarus.”

“Is he-“

“He’s okay. Farah said he flew a little stiffly, she could tell, but he was right, he started healing quicker once he transformed.”

Todd nods, head still spinning and a little fuzzy. At least Farah waited with him. That’s good. He doesn’t like that he wasn’t there, but the idea of Dirk lying in a clearing in the woods, bleeding and alone, is too much to think about.

“Is Farah okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. Meeting with Princess Lydia, I think. Who I guess is Lady Spring now. She’s helping her work out the networks she needs to so she can properly-“ Amanda pulls a face and mimes drawing crosses over her eyes. “Any Men of the Machine who might come after her.”

“Seems smart.” Todd winces, stretching out his arms.

“You gonna go visit Dirk?”

“Yeah, I have to run an errand or two first, but after that.”

“You should tell him you’re pining after him.”

Todd staggers to his feet in a quest to find a glass of water. “I’m not pining.”

“Dude. You’re pining. Like a whole damn forest.”

“All right, maybe I’m pining a little. Just… a few trees.”

“I’m just saying, I’m pretty sure he’d be amenable to your pining, considering he’s got some significant pining over on his end, too. There’s some reciprocal woodlands here, is what I’m telling you.”

“I’ll… take it under advisement.”

 

Todd takes some time to wash up before he heads out, making sure he looks more presentable than he has all week. Then he heads to a wizard with the last of his money and buys a charm off him. He consults with Farah briefly, and then heads up the mountain.

Dirk pokes his head out from the cavern. He blinks, looking a little more tired than normal, golden scales glittering a little in the afternoon sunlight.

“Hello,” he says. “How are you feeling? What’s that?”

Todd holds up the charm, shaped like a bell on a stick. “It’s a charm.”

“Oh. What for?”

“It’s coded to you and me and Farah. If anyone else gets too close, it’ll ring really loud. I figure this way you’ll get some warning if Riggins comes back up.”

“Oh.” Dirk smiles. “Thank you, Todd. That’s very thoughtful of you.”

“No problem. Give me a hand?”

Dirk lightly hammers the stick into the ground with his tail as Todd trudges inside the cavern. Dirk settles inside the cave, and Todd leans against him wearily. He looks over his shoulder and sees a scar against his scales. Amanda was right, it had healed much more quickly than it would have otherwise, the scar not appearing too new, but it’s still clearly visible. He reaches up and brushes his fingers against it lightly. “Are you okay?”

“Aches a bit. It’s not too big a problem.” Dirk puts his head on Todd’s knee and he automatically puts his hand on top of it, stroking the soft scales there. “I’m sorry this ended up being so hard, you were shot at and electrocuted and that looked _so_ painful-“

Todd shakes his head. “It’s okay. Really. I’m fine.”

“I don’t like you being upset. And I don’t like how much of this is my fault.” 

“I don’t regret the things I’ve done that got us here. And I don’t blame you for it, either.” 

Dirk nestles his head against Todd a little more. Todd leans back against him. There’s something comforting about a warmth against his back and he settles back into it. 

“Thank you for being here,” Dirk mumbles.  

Todd runs his thumb against the top of his head. “No problem.” 

 

When Todd wakes up, there is still warmth against his back, but there’s something around his middle pulling him flush against it. He opens his eyes sleepily. It’s darker than it was when he fell asleep, and when he looks down, a human arm has snaked its way around his waist, the hold it has on him loose enough that he could get up if he wanted but tight enough to keep him close. He glances up it a little and sees that there’s a short black sleeve on the arm. Dirk must’ve woken up first after turning back and changed. It makes Todd’s heart do something funny, that he came back to this spot, to fall back asleep. He wonders if he’d put his arm around him when he lay back down, or if he’d done it in his sleep. He doesn’t know what option he likes better. 

Dirk makes a slight snuffling noise and Todd’s heart does the funny thing again. Slowly he shifts over so he’s facing Dirk, careful to not dislodge the arm around him. 

Dirk’s eyes are closed, forehead smooth in sleep. His hair is scattered across his face a little, strands ruffling as he breathes out through his nose. Todd reaches out and pushes his hair out of the way. Dirk’s eyes open and he blinks sleepily as Todd’s fingers brush his forehead. He doesn’t rear back from them. Todd doesn’t take them away until he’s finished moving his hair away. When he lays his hand on the ground between them, the lack of the warmth from Dirk feels like a loss. 

“You fell asleep,” Dirk rasps. 

“Yeah, I figured.”

“Does your shoulder hurt more now?”

“A little. It’s bearable.”

They don’t talk for a minute. They just stare at each other instead. Dirk doesn’t move his arm from around Todd. Todd doesn’t pull away. 

“I’m still sorry,” Dirk murmurs. 

Todd shakes his head. “No.” 

“No, I am.” 

“You don’t have to be.” 

“You got hurt.” 

“Yeah.” 

“I never wanted you to get hurt.” 

“People get hurt.” 

“I know. I have some experience with that.” 

“I know you do, I just.” Todd takes a deep breath. “Who I am now is better than who I was when I climbed the mountain the first time. And that’s because of you. And that’s who I want to be. Even if I got hurt.” 

Dirk’s eyes are soft. Todd wants to see them like that all the time. Fuck, Todd just wants to see Dirk all the time. That’s the important thing. It’s the most important thing, he realizes as he looks at him. It’s the most important thing in all the world. 

“You don’t have a job,” Dirk says, having missed the important revelation Todd’s just had, even if it’s not as much of a revelation as it could have been, connected to previous emotional epiphanies but somehow still feeling important. “What are you going to do now?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Fair enough. I don’t know what I’m going to do now, either. I feel like I should do... something.” 

He shrugs a little. He knows what’s important, if it’s something Dirk’s all right with. Something he’d like. “We’ll figure it out, I guess.” 

Dirk’s eyes widen a little at the “we”. Todd waits to see if it’s good or bad, if he’s having the realization he did, or a different one. 

“Okay,” he whispers. “We’ll figure it out.” 

They lie there for another moment, and Todd remembers when Dirk asked him what he looked like. He should’ve said beautiful. He should say it now. He wants to say it now. 

Dirk hesitantly pulls Todd a little tighter with the arm still around his waist. Todd lets himself be pulled, shuffling closer. He can see his face up close now, can see his freckles, his eyelashes, his blue eyes. Todd rests a hand against his jaw and his neck, waiting to see if Dirk will pull away from it. He doesn’t. He thinks he actually leans into it instead. 

Dirk nudges his head closer to Todd’s. Todd can feel his breath on his face, and he feels his eyes slide shut, feels Dirk’s warm, slightly uneven breath on his lips get closer-

A loud jangling cuts through the stillness of the moment. Both of them jump and Todd recognizes the sound as it rings out again. He sits bolt upright, stomach lurching.

“Todd? What’s-“

“It’s the alarm.” He hears Dirk sit up next to him as he stares at the mouth of the cavern. “Someone’s coming.”

Dirk shoots to his feet, Todd rising with him. Dirk’s face is drawn and frightened. “Hide. Right now.”

“ _What_ , are you kidding me, _no_ , absolutely not-“

“Todd, you don’t know what these people are like-“

“I don’t _care_ , I’m not just going to-“

“ _Todd._ ” Dirk’s voice cracks. “Please. I just… I just need you to…” his shoulders slump. “Please. Just for a little bit. It won’t be long.”

Todd worries his bottom lip for a second. Then he nods, once. “If I think you need me, I’m coming back out here. I’m not abandoning you.”

“I’ll be fine.” Dirk’s hands hover for a second. Then they rest on either side of Todd’s face to gently kiss his forehead. Todd blinks, a little thrown, forehead tingling. Dirk pushes at him. “ _Hide._ ”

Todd hides behind the pile of gold Dirk’s got in the cave and regrets it _instantly_ , watching Dirk wipe his palms on his pants, face struggling to maintain composure. He tenses his legs to get up and rejoin him when a group of six or so people enter the cave, a large blond man at the head of them. They’re all in armor, except for the blond man, who’s wearing a fancy black outfit.

Dirk frowns. “You’re not Riggins.”

“No. Riggins doesn’t work here anymore.”

“You’re the idiot who was with him.”

It’s the idiot’s turn to frown. “That’s uncalled for.”

“You threw a rock at me. It feels very called for. Why are you here?”

The man clears his throat. “I’m here because I’m now in charge of Blackwing. My name is Director Friedkin and you’re, uh, you’re coming with me.”

The bottom drops out of Todd’s stomach.

“What?” Dirk’s voice quavers. “No, I’m not. Where’s Riggins?”

Friedkin scowls. “He’s not _here_ , all right, he was soft, so he’s gone, can we not _talk_ about him anymore? Just, just come on, okay, let’s go.”

“No.” Dirk shakes his head. “No, not _now_ , I’m finally… no. I’m not going anywhere.”

“This isn’t up for _debate._ ” Friedkin’s just sounding more and more irritable. “You’re gonna come over here, and we’re gonna use the portal I spent a _lot_ of money on, and we’re gonna go to base, and you’re just gonna be _quiet_ , okay, and not talk about stupid Riggins anymore.”

Dirk purses his lips, looking frightened as all hell, but shaking his head. 

Friedkin rolls his eyes. “You don’t have a choice here.”

The five guards around him draw their swords and that’s _it_ , that’s the end of Todd’s patience. He stands up, wishing he had a sword, or a weapon of any kind, but he can’t just let them _take_ Dirk.

“Fuck, where did _you_ come from?” Friedkin squints at him as the guards turn towards him. Dirk looks as though he’s ascended to a new level of fear.

“Todd,” he whispers as Todd moves to stand next to him. “No.”

“You’re the guy, right?” Friedkin looks as though something’s dawning on him. “The guy who kept coming to see him. What, is he like… your pet, or something? Did you adopt him as a pet?”

White hot rage floods him. “Fuck you.”

“I mean, listen, man, you just made my job easier. Now _you_ can come with me, too, and whenever he won’t listen to us or whatever, we’ll just threaten to do something bad to you, and it’ll all-“

“ _No._ ” Dirk’s voice is stronger and more panicked than before. “No, you can’t, I’ll go quietly, just don’t-“

“ _Dirk_ , what, _no-_ “

“They _can’t_ , I won’t let them-“

“It’s not about _let._ ” Friedkin looks ready to tear his hair out. “Look, whatever the fuck this guy’s name is, he’s coming with us, okay, and _you’re_ coming with us, and just, all of you are coming with us, and that’s that.”

“No.” Dirk’s eyes are behind Friedkin now. “He’s not.”

Everyone turns to see the sky lightening behind them. They look back at Dirk to see him shrug off the yellow jacket and toss it at Todd. He blinks at him, and his eyes change from human to the catlike shape of a dragon.

“ _Move_ ,” he says, voice distorted slightly. Todd realizes what he means and skitters away as Dirk drops to his knees.

“Oh, shit, _shit_ , everyone back up, everyone-“ Friedkin sounds more freaked out than before as the guards shuffle uneasily, tightening their grip on their swords as Dirk scrabbles against the ground, his back arched. Something about his outline is shifting, the skin under his clothes clearly rippling. Dirk makes a faint, choked off noise, and Todd suddenly wonders for the first time what the change feels like, if it hurts, if there’s a reason Dirk mostly had his shit together at the pain of being shot.

The change seems to happen slowly and all at once at the same time. The clothes on Dirk’s back rip as his body seems to unfold, almost, exploding into his dragon form, blue this time.

“Subdue him!” Friedkin thunders. “We can still get him through the portal, just-“

Dirk looks over his shoulder at Todd. “Get on,” he rasps, voice a little hoarse but still his. Todd scrambles onto Dirk’s back, throwing the jacket over his shoulders, and Dirk launches off the mountain, wings spreading. Almost immediately, he zooms almost straight down the side of the mountain.

“Why are we doing this?” Todd shouts, clutching at Dirk and trying not to start screaming at the very fast approach of the ground.

“Because they tried to use spells to reel people back in during the breakout! That’s what they’re going to try and use now!”

“That’s not an answer!”

Dirk suddenly spins sharply, hovering in the air at a ledge about ten minutes walk from the cave. He tilts and Todd, taken by surprise, yelps as he falls down Dirk’s back. He gently angles his tail so he doesn’t land too hard, though, and Todd lands with a _thump_ on the ground.

“Because now they only get one of us,” Dirk answers. Todd realizes what he means and scrambles to his feet.

“Dirk, no, don’t-“

Dirk jerks abruptly like someone’s yanked on a string attached to him, wrenched backwards up the mountain sharply. He vanishes as he’s suddenly snapped into the cave, and Todd can feel the mountain shake with the impact of how hard he hits the ground. Todd screams, not even words, just a sound that feels torn out of him. His heart is pounding wildly, and he feels hot all over, no, not all over, just his hands, his hands are _burning_ , and he falls to his knees with the pain of it, staring as gaping burns open up in his hands, still screaming, still in _agony._

The pain stops after a couple minutes, and when Todd’s aware of himself again, he’s curled up in a ball on the ground, clutching Dirk’s jacket in his hands that are no longer burning. In fact, it doesn’t even look like there’s anything wrong with them, and he stares uncomprehending before he remembers why he’s holding Dirk’s jacket in the first place.

“ _Dirk!_ ” he bellows, starting up the mountain. He runs as best he can, launching himself back to his feet every time he trips and plants on the ground. Eventually, he makes it back up to the cavern, but there’s no one inside, just claw marks on the ground and a circle that looks to be made of ash like all portals leave behind. Todd stands there, clutching at Dirk’s jacket, left with nothing but an empty, echoing cave and the sunrise behind him.

 

When Todd trudges into his apartment, someone abruptly collides with him. He staggers a few steps back and is wildly confused until he realizes he recognizes the cloud of brown hair obscuring his vision.

“Hey,” he mumbles, a little dazed, hesitantly wrapping his arms back around Amanda. “Hey, are you okay?”

“I thought they’d taken you, too, I thought-“ 

Todd tenses. “ _Who’d_ taken, Amanda, what’s-“

Amanda pulls back, letting go of Todd to hover awkwardly in front of him. Her eyes are red and puffy.

“Someone took most of the boys.” Her voice is a little raspy with tears. “These knights just, they just came out of _nowhere_ , and Vogel and I got away, and we found Farah but she didn’t know where you were, and-“ she blinks, stepping back a little more. “Why are you wearing Dirk’s jacket?”

Todd looks down at the jacket he’s been clutching the hem of all the way back into the city. He looks back up at Amanda and feels his face tremble.

She swallows and pulls him back into a hug. The two of them stand there for a couple minutes, clinging to each other and crying.

 

When Farah and Vogel get back from getting food, as Amanda told him they were absent for, Farah drops her bag, kneels down to where Todd’s sitting on the floor with his sister, and gives him a hug. He hugs her back.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” she mumbles.

“Yeah. Me too.”

“What are we gonna do, Drummer?” Vogel asks, sitting next to Amanda with a sandwich. He looks exhausted and dejected. Todd knows the feeling.

Amanda looks at Todd, then at Farah, then back to Todd. Todd squares his jaw and looks right back at her, hoping to convey exactly what he’s thinking. He’s pretty sure it works, because she nods once, eyes blazing.

“We’re gonna get our people back,” she says.

 

Lydia (who refuses to be called Lady Spring by any of them when they meet with her but especially Todd, saying “I ate a sandwich off your counter and then fell asleep in your dirty laundry, I think we’re past this”) does her best to accrue resources for them, but she’s a new benevolent tyrant yet, with a lot on her plate, and working all of this out on her own. She _does_ however, point them in the direction of some contacts they can consult.

Todd has his first attack in front of the others on the way to visit one of them. They’ve stopped their carriage at an inn in a small nearby town for the night, and they’re all crashing in one room. Farah’s studying the information on the contact while Amanda and Vogel read something together. Ken is feeding the Corgi that no longer houses Lydia’s soul. Todd is on one of the beds surveying a poetry book he’d picked up for when (always when, never if) they get Dirk back when something sharp wraps around his wrist and pulls, _hard._ He gasps, dropping the book to see vines covered in thorns digging into his wrists, sharp and angry and increasingly bloody.

“Todd?” Farah asks, distant to his ears. “Todd, what’s-“

“Whoaaaaaaaa.”

Todd looks up at Vogel’s exhale to see him gaping at his wrists. The thorns shove in even deeper, and he whimpers.

Vogel scampers to his feet and grabs onto Todd’s wrists. They glow a faint blue, and then the pain fades. He slumps back against the pillow.

“Thanks,” he mumbles. He feels eyes on him so he looks up to see everybody staring at him.

“You said-“ Amanda starts, looking a little hurt and angry.

“It was true when I said it,” he cuts in, trying to wipe the expression off her face. “I had my first attack right after Dirk got taken.”

“Were you going to tell us?” Farah asks.

“Everything else has just… happened so much that I honestly forgot.” Todd stares down at his hands. “I would have told you if I’d remembered.”

There’s quiet for a minute. Then Amanda comes and sits next to him, throwing an arm over his shoulders.

“So,” she says casually. “Tell me about the poetry book. Is it anything good, or is it solely dopey sappy starcrossed love stuff?”

Todd feels a warmth ignite in his chest at the facade of normality, and grabs at the book he’d dropped.

 

They hop from town to town under assumed name to assumed name, trying to evade notice by Blackwing, just in case they’ve sent anyone after them. Lydia sends messages of when she hears anything they might be able to use. Todd and Amanda push through their attacks with the help of Vogel. Amanda teaches Vogel to make flower crowns. His are always a little clumsy and involve dead leaves, but he’s proud of them. Amanda flirts shamelessly with Farah, who always get blushy and stammery when she does. They accumulate building plans and specs for the inside of the base and schedules of the guards within, until the last piece of the puzzle falls into place at two months and three days; where the thing actually is.

It is, of course, only about fifteen to twenty miles outside of the city in one of the deeper sections of the woods, because why _wouldn’t_ it have been right there all along.

The plan is to infiltrate as guards and then wreak havoc. Farah and Lydia have ferreted out someone in an ancillary organization to Blackwing who will be able to spin the whole thing as a drain on resources and far too weak to continue and ensure there won’t be another one.

Amanda and Vogel are on Rowdy Three duty. Their plan involves things exploding, and lots of yelling, as far as Todd can tell. If anyone could pull it off, though, it’s them, so he has faith. He and Farah are on Dirk duty. Their plan involves, well, less exploding, first of all.

“Amanda and Vogel exploding things will be good enough to cause general disorganization and chaos, we don’t need to set any bombs off ourselves.” Farah looks over the writings they’ve intercepted between the agents. Apparently Friedkin is at an utter loss about what to do with a dragon and has no idea how to fix it, so they’ve been keeping Dirk outside during the day chained up, and when the sun goes down, they lock him inside and test him. He sleeps during the day, the reports say, which is a change from the first week, when he’d just roared at them in pain and anger. That… had been a tricky one to read. “Are you gonna be okay in there?”

“Yeah.” Todd drums his fingers on the table. “Listen… there’s a part of this I’ve been thinking about and… it may mean I don’t make it out and I don’t think you’re gonna like that part of it but… it has to be done.”

Farah looks up at him, and raises her eyebrows, and waits.

 

The original plan was to try and grab Dirk while they were transporting him to inside the base after changing, but in the end, they’d decided it was too risky. The better option they’re going with is to steal in not too long before the sun rises so they can get to Dirk when he’s still human, which will probably require less contact with guards, and cause madness then, because everyone else is more likely to be awake. Less guards might also make it easier for the second part of Todd’s plan, but even if there’s not less guards, it doesn’t really matter. What’s gotta be done has gotta be done, he thinks, regardless of what he has to deal with to get there.

Farah’s obtained armor for all of them like what the guards wear. Todd tries to take it as a sign from the universe that they all fit into theirs, but he doesn’t want to push it. Before they approach the base, a medium sized fortress, in the carriage they painted black to try and make look more like a Blackwing one, Amanda gives Todd a hug.

“Come back intact, bro,” she mumbles. 

Todd’s chest constricts. “I’ll do my best.”

Vogel pats him twice on the head. Farah doesn’t hug him (physical affection is not her forte), but she does bump his shoulder lightly with hers and whisper “good luck”. Todd bumps her shoulder back and mumbles “you, too”.

They get into the base with a surprising amount of ease. They split off as soon as they enter the fortress, Amanda and Farah heading off with their bag of makeshift explosives, Farah going to cut off escape routes for the guards, Todd heading to find Dirk. He keeps his visor down and doesn’t talk to any guards in similar armor. The cell they’ve designed to hold him in between experiments and trials should only be a two or three minute walk from the entrance, but as he heads for the room, two people turn a corner, and Todd stops dead.

Dirk is in a loose gray long sleeved tunic with matching baggy pants that reminds Todd powerfully of the outfit he saw Dirk in when he saw him in human form for the first time. He has his wrists bound in front of him, his skin even paler than normal. He looks exhausted and worn down and skinnier, face not changing remotely at the sight of another guard stockstill, and Todd’s heart aches at the same time it feels like it might explode with the feeling of seeing him for the first time in months. The guard who’s with him sees Todd stopped and stops, too.

“What?” he asks, pushing up his visor, not letting go of Dirk’s arm with the other hand. “What’re you looking at?”

Todd approaches the two of them, walking quickly. The guard opens his mouth, probably to ask another question, but the base shakes suddenly, the sound of an explosion distantly rumbling. The guard looks over his shoulder behind him for where it came from. He looks back at Todd, eyes narrowed, but by that time, Todd’s pulled out the dagger with the heavy handle he’s had at his left hip, the sword on his right, and he clobbers the guard with the hilt, the rest of the blade still in the scabbard. The guard drops and Dirk gapes at him.

“What?” he asks while Todd unsheathes the dagger and cuts the rope around Dirk’s wrists. “What’s going on? What is this?”

“Breaking all of you out.” Todd keeps his voice low and gruff, thinking it’ll do a good job disguising it with the added barrier of the visor. He doesn’t want Dirk to know who he is, not yet, anyway, scared that Dirk will insist on staying with him. Todd has a second job to do once he gets him on his way to getting out of here. He doesn’t want to accomplish it only for Dirk to be killed at the end of it. “Come on.”

Dirk, to his credit, obeys him, immediately following as Todd weaves through corridors and takes sharp corners. Farah, he knows, will be deeper in the base, and Dirk needs to get to Farah.

“Do you have any idea where Riggins’s office is?”

“When I was a kid, it used to be in the tallest tower, the North one. Personally, I’ve always assumed he was compensating for something.”

Todd grins. He can’t help it. He might be about to die trying to pull off something he doesn’t even know for sure he’ll succeed in, and he could have an attack at any moment, and they might get found by a guard and die any moment (they pass some guards rushing past, but they all seem occupied going towards the source of the explosion, ignoring the single captive and guard hurrying by), but _god_ , he’d missed Dirk like he’d miss breathing while holding his breath under a lake.

“Listen, where are you taking me?”

Todd stops at a small intersection. “This is the way to the North Tower?”

“Yes, but-“

“And that’s the corridor you take to get out of here?”

“Yes, I just-“

“Good. Take that one, find Farah, run away, don’t look back.”

“Farah’s here?”

“Yes.” This helmet’s too heavy, and Todd’s having too hard a time seeing out of it. He’d forgotten how much helmets suck. He’s going to have to take it off at some point. He turns towards the staircase. “Go.”

“Now, hang on a minute!”

Todd pauses, turns back. Dirk still looks pale and a little frightened, but also sort of indignant.

“I have tried _very_ hard not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I haven’t any idea who you are, or why you’ve set me free, or if Farah’s even really here and this isn’t some great big trap or trick that’s going to hurt me later. So I _demand_ that you _tell_ me who exactly it is that you _are_.”

The plan to keep his identity from Dirk hidden so Dirk wouldn’t try and go with him and lose his chance at escape is, obviously, not going to pan out. It’s probably the last time Todd’s going to see him, and he wants to really, properly see his face before he goes.

So, for once, he doesn’t let himself think. Doesn’t let himself question or second guess, doesn’t let his fears and anxieties charge through his brain and take control. He just runs on instinct. 

Todd tugs the helmet off and throws it to the side. “Someone who loves you,” he says, before grabbing Dirk’s face and kisses him.

Dirk is, unsurprisingly, a bit startled, frozen for just a moment before his hands seem to tentatively rest on Todd’s shoulders. The kiss is a little harder than Todd might have predicted for the first time he’d have liked to kiss Dirk, lips more mashed together than anything. He’ll still take it, though, this last and only chance to feel what his lips feel like against his, how gentle his hands are against him.

He pulls back, still holding onto Dirk’s face. Dirk’s a little pink, seeming a bit dazed and stunned.

“ _Go_ ,” he says again, before he lets go of him, turns around, and charges up the staircase he needs, not looking behind him.

 

Riggins’s former office is smaller than Todd would have expected. It’s lined with bookshelves, two devoted solely to black books that he suspects are just the files on the Blackwing subjects. There’s a magnificent wooden desk in the middle of the room opposite a window. There’s a nameplate on it, shinier and newer than anything else in the room, that reads _DIRECTOR HUGO FRIEDKIN._

Todd looks at the bookshelves with frustration. There’s no possible way he has time to go through all of these, no way of knowing what destroying all of them at once will do. He slams his hands down on the desk, gritting his teeth. He stares at nothing for a few seconds.

“Okay,” he mutters. “Okay.”

Todd takes a deep breath, still staring at the wood of the desk.

“Look,” he says, voice as determined as he can make it, even though it’s still low. “I am new to believing in this crap, okay? I am new to the, the intangible-ish web of the universe or whatever. I don’t know much about this shit. But I know that you won’t do this because Dirk needs to be okay. I know you won’t do this because _I_ need him to be okay. But you should do it because _you_ need him to be okay. You need him to patch your holes, right? Take care of the loose ends in the cosmos or whatever. But he hasn’t been able to do that. For sixteen years, he’s been stuck in self imposed exile at the top of that damn mountain, because of what’s in the book I need to find. And if he stays there, then he’s never gonna be of use to you. So you need me to find this book. If you won’t do it for him or me, then do it for yourself. From one mercenary son of a bitch to another.”

He waits another second before pushing himself up. He spins to a bookshelf at random. Deliberates for a second before tugging a simple battered red leather volume out of it. 

Todd flips it open to the first page. Blank. He checks the next one. Also blank. He growls in frustration and hurls the book in the middle of the floor. It flops open to a page with an illustration of a dragon surrounded by complicated looking script. 

Todd kneels in front of the book. He can’t read the spell, per se, but he recognizes the kind it is from all the times he’d stop in spell shops to try and get things to make it easier for Amanda. It looks like a combination of a transformation spell and a binding spell. He looks briefly through the rest of the pages. They’re all blank on either side of the spell.

“Yeah,” Todd murmurs. “That’s how I’d hide a spell like this, too.” He glances up at the ceiling, which feels like a pretty decent way to address the universe. “I’m not thanking you for this, if this was you. This is just the beginning of recompense for you being a dick.”

Todd stands, unsheathing his sword. He grips the hilt tightly and raises it, prepared to drive it down.

The door bangs open. Todd jumps, raising the sword to point at who enters. Friedkin is still dressed in the same style all black outfit from two months ago, wielding a giant sword of his own. He slowly moves until he and Todd are parallel to the desk, the book in between them.

“Oh, _great,_ it’s _you._ Don’t-“ the guy waves the sword. “Don’t do that.”

Todd’s eyes narrow. “Don’t do what?”

“All-“ he waves the sword again. “That.”

“Why?”

“Cause…” he looks a little confused. “Cause I don’t want you to?”

“That’s not good enough.”

“Kinda rude from a guy who’s breaking and entering.”

“Yeah, well, I guess I’m kind of an asshole, although nowhere near your level.”

“Great. Doesn’t stop me from hating you.”

Friedkin looks offended. “That’s _definitely_ rude.”

“You kidnapped a bunch of people and locked them up here, I think you’re beating me on the rudeness level here.”

Friedkin glares. “I’m not gonna argue cemeteries with you.”

“Ceme- do you mean semantics?”

“I- shut up. Don’t destroy the book. I need it.”

“For _what?_ ”

“Listen.” Friedkin looks scared. “Everyone is breaking out, and my boss is gonna be, like, _super_ mad at me, and she’s gonna fire me, and hopefully that’ll be the only thing she does. But if one of the subjects is a dragon most of the time, then, you know, I can get him back, I can find a dragon, and then I can bring him back here, and maybe my boss’ll be less mad at me.”

Todd gapes at him. “ _That’s_ your big reason? You want me to hand over the life of my friend so you get yelled at less?”

“Uh. Please?”

“Fuck you.”

The door slams open again. Todd and Friedkin look to see Farah, Amanda, the Rowdy Three reunited at last, and Dirk all tumble in.

Todd’s stomach drops. “ _Dirk_ ,” he hisses. “You were supposed to leave.”

Dirk looks scared but determined. “Not without you.” Todd opens his mouth to fight him, but he plows ahead. “Why are you here?”

“Look,” Friedkin says, looking a little frantic. “Tell your crazy fucking friend here not to destroy that thing, or I’m gonna kill him.”

Dirk’s eyes widen. His eyes flicker to the book on the floor and then to Todd, mouth dropping open a little. “Is that…” he whispers. “Is that the spellbook? Does that… it has my curse in it?”

Todd looks at the book firmly. Can’t take his eyes off the book in case Friedkin tries something. Can’t look at Dirk because him being here is distracting him enough as it is. “This doesn’t end unless the book is destroyed. You can’t do this for the rest of your life. It’s not fair and it’s not okay and it’s got to stop.”

He raises the sword again.

“Wait!” Friedkin throws his hand out as well as his sword. “I’ll pay you. I’ll pay you whatever you want to leave this thing alone.”

Todd shoots him a disgusted look and prepares to bring the sword down.

“What if it kills him?” Friedkin blurts, and that _does_ make Todd pause, looking up at Friedkin. “It could kill him, dude, I don’t know how that spell works, I don’t know what Riggins did to it. He might have worked it so if anyone but him lifted the spell or got rid of it, it’d kill him.”

_Fuck_. That hadn’t occurred to Todd. He looks at Dirk, fear prickling hot and cold on his skin.

A lot of emotions flicker across Dirk’s face at once, too fast for Todd to track. It resolves into his jaw setting, giving a short and sharp nod, eyes blazing.

“Won’t know unless you try. And I’d really rather you would.”

Todd hesitates.

He’s not the one who’s had to live with this for sixteen years. It’s not his choice to make.

It’s up to Dirk.

He tightens his grip on the sword. “Okay.”

“ _What if it kills you?_ ” Friedkin shouts. “ _What if destroying it kills the person who does it?_ ”

Dirk’s face goes ashen. In that split second, Todd knows he’s going to tell him not to do it, not to take that chance, but if Todd stabs this thing now, then he never heard Dirk say it, and he can just try and get rid of this terrible fucking thing that’s ruined his life, because this is _his_ choice to make, no one else’s, and he doesn’t want Dirk to hear him tell him no-

He brings the sword down. The blade pierces the spell, drives all the way through the book. It sends out a surge of power that feels like lightning, shooting through him like a wave. It sends him and Friedkin slamming into opposite ends of the room. Todd lands against the wall. The world spins, body aching, head suddenly dizzy, and everything around him just kind of… slips away for a few moments.

When Todd comes back to himself, it’s to a voice repeatedly saying his name. He likes that voice. It’s one he trusts. One he cares about. Only it sounds… frightened. Terrified, even. He doesn’t want him to sound terrified. Not ever.

Someone’s holding him. It’s warm. Comforting. Nice. “Todd, please, just open your eyes, Todd, _please_.”

If he opens his eyes, will Dirk be okay now?

_Dirk._

Todd cracks open his eyes. His vision is a little fuzzy. He blinks hazily until the world swims back into focus. Dirk’s got his arms around him, face white, the others all peering around his shoulders. His face collapses into relief, breaking into a relieved grin that feels almost as dizzying as being thrown into the wall.

“ _Todd_ ,” he whispers. “You’re okay.”

There’s something weird about the whole thing. Good weird. But he can’t pinpoint it. Todd blinks up at him. The relief turns into worry.

“Todd? You _are_ okay, aren’t you? Say something.”

Dirk’s golden around the edges, surrounded by a halo. He reaches out weakly and waves it a little around the outline of light, smiling faintly.

“I always wondered what you looked like in sunlight,” he mumbles a little dopily.

Dirk freezes. He gently puts Todd down on the ground and stands to face the window. Todd staggers to his feet, leaning heavily against the desk, as Dirk hesitantly approaches the dawn light streaming in. Todd realizes what it means, the rest of his brain catching up with him. He watches Dirk stand at the window and slowly reach his fingertips out. He stares at his hand in the sunlight. A smile spreads over his face, shoulders shaking with a soft huff of a laugh.

“Oh,” he whispers. He laughs again before he turns back to Todd, still all lit up. He beams at him. “Look at that.”

Todd grins back. He doesn’t know what to say, but as it turns out he doesn’t have to, because Dirk flies at him in a hug, Todd stumbling back a couple steps with the force of it. Dirk’s holding him tightly, chin over his shoulder. Todd buries his face in his neck, gripping him with the same fervor.

“Thank you,” Dirk breathes. “Thank you, thank you, _thank you_ -“

“Don’t.” Todd smiles. “Nothing to thank.”

“You’re wrong.” He can hear the returning smile in Dirk’s voice. “But that’s nice of you to say, anyway.”

Todd goes back to saying nothing, instead clinging to him for the first time in far too long as the morning light comes in.

 

Amanda and Martin drive the carriage back into the city. The rest of the Rowdies crowd around them, speaking loudly and excitedly. Farah falls asleep pretty quickly, huddled in a blanket Amanda brought for this very eventuality. Todd just sits in the back and leans against the wall. Dirk is not too far from him, staring out the back window of the carriage at the sunlight.

“Sorry you can’t be out in it,” Todd says.

Dirk shakes his head. “I’ll have plenty of days to be in the sun. All of my days, now.”

Todd smiles. “Very true.”

“Where are we going now?”

“Amanda and the Rowdy Three are gonna find a place to crash for a little bit just to sleep and regroup. Farah’s going to see Lydia. Lydia says we’ll be safe in the city and that no one will touch us.” Lydia’s proven herself more than capable in the past two months. Todd absolutely believes her.

“And… what about you?” Dirk sounds awkwardly hesitant.

“Lydia kept my apartment where it was so we’re gonna head back there. I’ve got the stuff you left in your cave so there’ll be clothes for you to change into and I figure I can restock the food, if you’re hungry.”

“You… want me to stay with you?”

Todd’s suddenly nervous. “Um. If you’d like.”

Dirk looks at him for a moment, then scooches a little closer. “I’m sorry I sort of… exploded the shirt you gave me.”

“It’s okay. I have another one you can have.”

Dirk blinks. Then he gives him a small, soft, private sort of smile that makes Todd feel kind of tingly. He scooches all the way now, pressed right up against Todd. He rests his head against Todd’s shoulder. Todd throws his arm around him, tentatively putting a hand on his neck and stroking it with his thumb. Dirk puts a hand on his knee, and Todd closes his eyes.

 

“I’ll come and see you in a few weeks, okay?”

Todd nods. “Okay. Will you be all right?”

Amanda nods this time. “We’re just gonna refresh ourselves a little, just a little bit of downtime to sleep and eat and stuff, and then we’re gonna ride around for a bit. Fuck shit up, be leaves on the stream of creation, have a nice time.”

“The usual.”

“Yeah.”

They hover awkwardly for a moment, just lingering on the street in front of Todd’s apartment. Then they step forwards and hug each other at the same time.

“I’m glad you didn’t die,” Todd tells her.

“Yeah. I’m glad you hung in there, too.” She lets go of him and looks over at Dirk, who’s talking softly with Farah by the carriage. “Don’t fuck that up, okay?”

“Trust me.” Todd looks over at him too, smiles as he makes a bird with his hands like he’s doing shadow puppets, making Farah laugh. “I’m gonna try harder than anything not to fuck this up.”

“I believe you.” She thumps him on the shoulder. “See you round, dummy.”

“Bye, asshole.”

She approaches Farah and Dirk. “Have fun being a human more often.”

“It’ll be a learning experience, I’m sure.”

She winks at Farah. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Farah blushes. “Um, yes, that is, that’s definitely, that’s something to look forwards to.”

Amanda grins and climbs into the carriage. “Let’s roll, boys!” Todd hears her yell, and the carriage abruptly starts and shoots off.

“What about you?” Dirk asks Farah.

“Well, I’m supposed to meet with Lydia, so I guess I’ll walk towards-“

A black, windowless carriage with the crest of the city smoothly slides to a stop next to Farah. They stare at it before Farah smiles.

“Or I guess I’ll take this.” She gives them a little wave. “I’ll talk to you guys later.”

“Bye, Farah!” Dirk answers cheerily. Todd, feeling a little worn out, waves. She hops into the carriage and it heads off just as smoothly.

The two of them climb the stairs to Todd’s apartment. He opens it to find it in better shape than he left it. It’s been spruced up a little, a bit less shoddy and neater. Lydia’s people must have come in and fixed what needed fixing, but didn’t touch any of his stuff. He appreciates it. He checks the kitchen and finds brand new bread and cheese in it, but not much else.

“Are you hungry? We don’t have a lot, I guess I can go out and get stuff.”

“I think I’d just like to lie down.” Todd glances over at Dirk from the kitchen to see him looking suddenly drained. “Would that be okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” Todd drops his bag on the floor and pulls out some comfortable clothes for Dirk. He picks them up and heads to change in private while Todd gets into his own lazy clothes. He’s feeling exhausted himself, and he slides into bed as Dirk comes back in. It’s a better mattress, too. It’s pretty nice to have a morally gray but mostly compassionate ruler as someone who’s keeping an eye on you. When they’re compassionate towards you, he guesses.

“Um.” He wavers for a second, hands working uncertainly in front of him, eyes flickering over to the couch. “Do you have an extra pillow or-“

Todd’s too tired to think about this. “Get in.”

“Get in…?”

“The bed. It’s more comfortable.”

“Oh. Er.”

“If you don’t want to, it’s okay, I’ll grab you a blanket and-“

“No. This is good.” Todd feels the mattress dip. He turns over to see Dirk. He looks utterly exhausted, but in a way other than he’d been in the base. He doesn’t look quite so hopeless anymore.

“Thank you,” he murmurs.

Todd shakes his head. “You don’t have to thank me.”

“I kind of do.”

“You don’t. I mean it. You shouldn’t have been locked up or cursed, it’s not right. And, well.” He shrugs a little awkwardly. “I missed you.”

Dirk looks too tired to properly smile, but he looks like he wants to. “I missed you, too.”

Todd’s only just conscious enough to smile a little. “Glad you’re back.”

Dirk’s eyes are already drooping shut. “Me, too.”

 

When Todd wakes up, it’s to find that when they were sleeping, he’s wrapped himself around Dirk, his forehead resting against the back of his hair. He doesn’t move, just pulls Dirk a little closer and drifts back to sleep.

 

The next day passes, for the most part, uneventfully. Dirk sleeps a lot, which makes sense, if he’s been sleeping during the day for months. Sometimes he wakes up to eat. Todd goes out to get more food when he’s out cold and restocks his kitchen, making sure to leave a note in case Dirk wakes up.

It’s uneventful til the afternoon. Dirk’s asleep in the bed and Todd’s quietly making piles of stuff he doesn’t want to keep in his apartment anymore. Lydia gave them a small amount of gold, and he doesn’t want to hold on to all his old junk anymore. He wants new junk. Nicer junk. He’s stacking a book in the keep pile when the book suddenly shoots spikes out of it that jam right through his hand. He drops the book and the spikes disappear. He grits his teeth, sitting heavily on the couch and squeezing his eyes shut. He hasn’t had to ride an attack out without Vogel taking care of it very often. He tries to breathe deep and even through the agony, and eventually the pain goes away. He cracks open an eye briefly to check that his hand’s gone back to normal, and then closes his eyes again, still gasping a little.

“Todd?”

The whisper is more timid than he’s ever heard Dirk’s tone possess. He opens his eyes to see Dirk sitting up in the bed, eyes wide, hair disheveled, watching Todd with some fright.

“What was that?”

“I…” Todd closes his hands. He’d forgotten he’d have to tell Dirk about this.

“Because what it _looked_ like,” Dirk continues, voice trembling a little. “Was how you described pararibulitis attacks. That’s what it looked like.”

Todd doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to, apparently.

“When was your first one?”

“…right after you dropped me on the mountain.”

Dirk’s face quivers. “This is my fault.”

“Oh man, Dirk, no, it’s not.”

“It _is._ You only got it after, after the universe drew you into my bullshit, you didn’t have it before and you have it now and it’s because of _me_ , and if I’d just told you not to come back, you might not have ever _had_ it, you wouldn’t have been electrocuted or had weapons pointed at you, you probably wouldn’t have lost your job or been on the run, you wouldn’t have this _curse_ -“

“Stop.” Todd sits on the bed. “First off, I don’t think it’s _your fault_ , exactly. I think it’s mine. I think that, yes, I _did_ get involved in the holistic stuff, and it probably did push me towards the-“ he waves his hands. “The curse thing, yeah. But I don’t think _you’re_ the one that caused it. I think _I_ did. I think if I hadn’t lied about having the curse, I wouldn’t have gotten it now. Maybe the holistic stuff prompted it, I dunno, I don’t know how any of this works. But I think I’m the one who’s responsible.”

Dirk purses his lips and looks like he’s about to say something arguing why it’s his fault again. Todd keeps going.

“And I _wanted_ to be drawn into this. You thought it was dangerous and I told you I wanted to be involved anyway.”

“But you wouldn’t have wanted to be involved if you hadn’t wanted to _help_ me.” Dirk looks close to tears. “I’ve thought about this a lot, Todd, all of your pain after you met me was _my_ fault, and this is just more _proof_ of that-“

“And if I had to make the choice all over again, it wouldn’t even be a _choice_ , Dirk, because I’d want to help you again. I would do _all_ of this again, because even with all the shit that’s happened to me since I met you, it’s worth it. I’m happy to have you in my life, and I’m a better person for knowing you, and I just…” Todd runs a hand through his hair. “All of this is worth it, Dirk, _you’re_ worth it, I’ve thought about this a lot, too, and I don’t want you blaming yourself or whatever, because you shouldn’t, you deserve to be able to do whatever you want in life, and you shouldn’t feel guilty because you think you’ve put me through hell, because you think you’re a detriment on my life, because you’re _not_ , you improved it and I just…” Todd sighs. “I don’t know. I don’t even know if I’m making any sense anymore. You just… you need to know that you changed my life. And I like how you changed it.”

Dirk’s face shakes again.

“You’re the first person I’d ever met who actually wanted me around,” he whispers. “You changed my life too and I just…” he shakes his head. “I’m just sorry you’re hurting. I hated it in there, and I don’t know what to do now, and you’re in pain on top of it and it’s just… I don’t know. I don’t know, either, I suppose.”

“Just cause I hurt sometimes doesn’t mean I’m always hurting. And it’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out, remember?”

Dirk nods, looking a little less miserable. “We’ll figure it out.”

Todd pulls him into a hug, because it feels like the right thing to do, and they just sit there hugging for a moment before he gets up to get Dirk something to eat.

 

The next few days pass a lot the same. Dirk gradually starts sleeping less during the day and more at night. He moves into a more normal eating schedule, too. Every time Todd falls asleep next to Dirk, either he wakes up in his arms or vice versa. Todd doesn’t ask him his thoughts on what he told him before he went to find the spellbook, or the kiss. It’s aching, that Dirk hasn’t acknowledged it, that Todd doesn’t know how he feels, that he wakes up in the mornings to Dirk with sleepy smiles and softness and just being right there, but this isn’t the sort of thing that Todd gets to shove at him right now. Dirk’s still working out how to be human all the time. He’s just gotten out of Blackwing for the first time in two months. It sucks that it’s rattling around in Todd’s chest, but he needs, for once in his life, to not be selfish. This isn’t an immediate issue. It can wait.

 

“Do you remember when you said you wanted to investigate the Patrick Spring case with me?” Dirk asks, apropos of nothing while Todd’s hanging new curtains.

“Yeah.”

“Do you… want to investigate other cases with me?”

Todd steps back to look at how the curtains look with the rest of the room. It works. He nods approvingly. “Yup.”

“Yup to the curtains or to the cases?”

“Both.” Todd puts his hammer on the windowsill. “We’ll have to find agency offices. I can ask Lydia-“

“No.” Dirk shakes his head. “I don’t want her to buy a spot for me. I don’t want to get the gold from my cave, either, the things I just stole or collected along the way. I want to earn it.”

Todd understands. He’s been there, after all, pretty recently. He nods. “Okay, so. I still have enough money that Lydia gave us to try and find you guys that we can make it for a little while longer. We’ll just… put the word out, and if the universe is gonna bring us cases, well, we’ll get some eventually, right?”

“Yes. Right. I think. I’m not positive, I suppose, but probably.”

Good enough for Todd for now, he guesses. “Sounds like a plan. You want me to talk to Farah, too?”

Dirk perks up. “Of course. She’s an essential part of our agency. We’ve discussed it thoroughly.”

“Was _discussing it thoroughly_ you telling her she was a part of the agency and she vacillated between leaning towards it and insisting she was perfectly normal and therefore not entangled in such things?”

“…maybe.”

Todd grins. “I’ll set up lunch for us with Farah.”

“And I think…” Dirk’s quiet for a second. “I think I would like to get some clothes. And maybe a haircut. I think I’d like to look… more like me. Whoever that is.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Todd pauses. “Do you, um. Do you need help? Somehow? About the whole… figuring out your personhood? Is there something I can do?”

“No. I’m getting there. I’m just still working out the details but I think… I’m doing all right.”

“Okay. Let me know if that changes.” 

“Will do.”

Todd remembers what he’d meant to tell Dirk this morning but had forgotten about. “Oh, Amanda told Lydia who told Farah who told me, but the Rowdy Three found the shark kitten.”

Dirk perks up. “Really?”

“Yeah, it sounded like there… might have been a tavern fight involved, I don’t know. She said they wanted to keep her but it was your cat and they felt bad, although I kinda think Amanda probably felt more bad, honestly, but anyway, they’re swinging around in four or five days and they’ll bring us the cat, if you want.”

Dirk looks delighted. “That cat’s the only cat that ever liked me. Of course I want.”

“Great. I have a pillow I’m not using anymore, that can be a cat bed. It’ll all work out.”

“I hope you know that I’m naming her Fluffles.”

“I hope you know I’m not calling her that.”

 

Todd leans against the wall, waiting for Dirk to come back. Yesterday he’d gone and gotten some new clothes, and he’s out at a haircut now. Todd had offered to go with him, but Dirk had asked to go it on his own, which he doesn’t mind.

“Hey!”

Todd looks up. Dirk’s walking brightly towards him. His hair’s a more manageable length and combed, and he’s in his new clothes, a professional white tunic and black pants with his bright yellow jacket.

“Hey.”

Dirk stops in front of him. “What’s going on, why are you waiting for me out here?”

“I know we’re not going for lunch with Farah for another hour, but I thought we could walk around the city a little. I mean, you’ve talked about wanting to see it in daylight, and we haven’t been out and about very much, so I thought this would be a good opportunity, y’know?”

“Oh. Yes. That sounds nice.”

“Good.”

Dirk nervously runs his hand through his hair. “So. How do I look?”

Todd smiles. “You look great.” He does, enough to cause a little swoop in his stomach. “I’d tell you if you didn’t.”

Dirk’s giving him that look that Todd’s seen a lot more than normal over the past week but he’d seen every once in a while before, that odd combination of softness and wonder. It makes Todd feel weird, but not necessarily a bad weird. It’s a pleasant kind of weird, the sort he could get used to, maybe. 

“You know, I’ve spent the past few days trying to figure you out,” he says suddenly. 

Todd’s spent the better part of his life trying to do that and he still hasn’t gotten there. “How’s that going for you?” 

“Well, I haven’t been conscious for all of those few days, so it’s been tricky.” 

“Makes sense.” 

“But I’ve devoted a lot of my brainpower to trying to figure out if you meant what you said, when you got me out.” 

Todd blinks at him, then realizes what he means and goes scarlet. “Oh.” 

“Mmm.” 

“You, uh. You didn’t want to ask me?” 

“Well, the whole thing I was trying to figure out was whether or not you said it in the heat of the moment, and my concern was that you wouldn’t want to upset me because I’d just been out of Blackwing custody. So I wanted to meditate on it myself a little bit, and then come to you when I’d thought it over a bit. Which I’m doing now.” 

“Oh.” Todd clears his throat. “So, uh. What did your meditations result in?” 

“Well, I thought it over quite a bit.” 

“Yeah, you said.” 

“And you got me out. You came for me. And you’ve been here all the while. You haven’t pushed me into talking about what you said, or talking about anything to do with Blackwing. You’ve just... been here. Just in case I needed you. And I thought about you before the breakout, too, before all this, and, you know, right before Friedkin came to get me, and, well.” Dirk smiles down at him. “I think you really do love me.” 

Todd swallows. “Yeah,” he whispers. “I really do.” 

Dirk beams. “How fortuitous.” 

“Yeah?” Hope starts fluttering in Todd’s chest. He shoves it away just in case. He doesn’t want to break if he’s wrong. “How so?” 

“Well, I was rather smitten with you from the day you showed up, and I believe it’s safe to say that I’m really very in love with you, too.” 

Warmth spreads out from his chest through his whole body, making his cheeks flush. “Oh.” 

“Mm-hm.” 

“That’s... good.” Todd berates himself for the dumb response, but Dirk only grins wider. 

“It is.” 

“...you’re enjoying my emotional clumsiness, aren’t you?” 

“I’ve never had anyone tongue tied over me before, it’s sort of nice.” 

“Yeah, for you.” Todd can’t bring himself to be genuinely annoyed, though, not when Dirk is smiling at him like that, not when he loves him. 

“Do your dragon impression again. It’ll be great.” 

“I have a better idea.” 

“I dunno, there’s not a lot I like more than the dragon impression.” 

“You’ll like this better.” 

Dirk raises his eyebrows in a questioning way, but Todd knows he knows what’s coming by the way he almost sways closer to Todd, the way his hand comes up to brush against his chest. Todd loosely wraps his hand in the front of Dirk’s shirt in part to pull him just that much closer but also because he thinks he needs something to hold onto right now, everything feeling a little dizzying. 

When Todd’s lips find Dirk’s, it’s a little clumsy on both their parts at first. It’s not surprising, he supposes. It’s been a while since Todd’s done this with anybody, and he’s not entirely certain as to what Dirk’s experience is but he’s willing to bet it’s pretty limited. It doesn’t take them too long to figure it out, though, one of Dirk’s hands resting on Todd’s neck and the other on his waist, Todd slipping his arm around Dirk’s waist to pull him just a little closer. It’s a slow, gentle, almost unfairly good sort of kiss, the kind that leaves all others behind. 

When Todd draws back for breath, Dirk rests their foreheads together.  He can feel how unsteady his breath is, how his chest hitches slightly, and a slight tingling runs through Todd at the knowledge that it’s because of him. He opens his eyes to see Dirk’s still closed. They’re pressed chest to chest now. Todd doesn’t even know how that happened. 

Dirk opens his eyes. He’s got that same look from before, the one with the traces of wonder to it. It makes Todd feel less uncomfortable about the weirdness than before. 

“How-“ Todd’s voice cracks a little. Dirk smiles a bit as he clears his throat. “How was that in comparison to the dragon impression?”

“Better,” Dirk breathes. 

“That’s good.” 

Dirk clears his throat a little, too. “Also I would appreciate if I could continue to lean on you for a few more moments, as my knees are... a bit weak.” 

Todd grins delightedly. “Really?” 

“Shut up.” 

“How about you make me?” 

Dirk’s ideas of making him are similar to what Todd’s were, thankfully, as their lips meet again, this time with some determination on Dirk’s part. 

Todd doesn’t mind.

 

They wander around the city for a while, hand in hand. They walk through the street with the biggest outdoor market, and Todd watches Dirk’s face light up with every new trinket and doodad he sees. 

Eventually they make their way to the restaurant. Farah is already there, drumming her fingers on the table. They sit across from her. She glances at their hands, interlocked on the table, while Dirk orders his food and then looks up at Todd significantly with a raised eyebrow. Todd grins a little and half shrugs. She gives him a slight smile.

“What are you eyebrowing about?” Dirk asks when the waiter leaves.

“Nothing.” Farah takes a sip of her water. “So, Todd has indicated that you want to start an agency.”

Dirk brightens even further, which is impressive, because he’s been positively glowing. “Yes! Offices, at some point, although we might have to work out of our apartment for a bit, and maybe business cards, and _ooh_ , definitely a sign, I’m _very_ firm on some form of signage, I’m thinking-“ he lets go of Todd’s hand to frame a hypothetical sign with his hands. “ _Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency: Cases Solved With Arguable Efficiency._ ”

“I’m… not sure that last bit will get us cases.”

“No, I’m positive, hush, Todd.” He still brings their hands back together, though, and Todd can’t deny the little thrill at hearing _our apartment_.

“Yes, well.” Farah goes back to drumming her fingers on the table. The more Farah is thinking about something that she’s been contemplating a lot, the fidgetier she gets. “Lydia has given me a substantial amount of money, an _extremely_ substantial amount, and I have been thinking about what precisely I want to do with it.”

“Cats,” Dirk says instantly.

“Somewhere nice for you and Amanda to go when you finally get your shit together,” Todd adds.

“I, no, I was not thinking about cats, and you-“ she points at Todd. “Shut up.” She drums her fingers once more before she stills them. “I… would like to invest in your detective agency.”

They stare at her for a moment, mouths open.

“I,” Dirk stammers. “I, well, yes, definitely, of course, I accept your proposal as my…” He flounders for a second. “I don’t know what the term is, all right, I’ve been in a cave for the better part of sixteen years, but whatever the answer is here, yes, I agree, I approve of and agree to this. I’m not budging on the signage, though, I don’t care _what_ Todd says, it is an _excellent_ thing to put on a sign.”

“I mean, listen, I don’t care, but she’s your partner or benefactor or whatever, I don’t know if it’s fair-“

“No,” Farah cuts in. “No, I’d prefer my name to remain off the… name.”

“Excellent! And Todd, you can be my… assispartboyfriend? Does that sound right?”

“No, I can tell you right now it doesn’t.”

“Yes, well, agree to disagree.”

“I don’t know if this is an agree to disagree kind of th-“

“Farah,” Dirk interrupts. “I’m thinking about a _desk_ , just a great big… desk, that’s what professional sort of people have, right?”

Farah and Dirk start discussing the practicality of various desk, and in Farah’s experience which ones are best to hide knives under, or a blunt instrument of some kind, because “Dirk, you’re really going to need it, we both know this”. Todd watches them, but mostly watches Dirk, the way he sits straighter when he’s more excited for just a second before he leans forwards excitedly, the way the sunlight is hitting his hair, just how _vibrant_ he looks, so much more vibrant than he’d ever looked all those times Todd climbed the mountain. Dirk catches him gazing when Farah becomes occupied with her food as it arrives, beams at him, and squeezes his hand before he turns his attention to his ice cream.

He’d never expected a happy ending, Todd thinks, but he’s gotten one all the same.

And then he internally rolls his eyes at himself, and a little bit at Dirk for turning him into such a sap but in an affectionate way, and he steals the cherry from Dirk’s sundae, and listens to Farah and Dirk sketch out the plans for the new agency, ignoring Dirk’s protesting sound at his theft.

**Author's Note:**

> EVEN MORE NOTES BEAR WITH ME FOLKS
> 
> So, before I go anywhere else, an absolutely MASSIVE shoutout to @klaudiart on tumblr. I messaged Klaudia a lot about this fic as I hacked away at it, talking to her about plot details and sending her chunks of it, and she was an absolutely enthusiastic, delightful help. She actually had the idea for one of my favorite scenes, which is detailed in the story notes below. Thank you, darling, you were so much help <3
> 
> I worried initially that the character dynamics were too off because I'd changed the scenarios up too much, and that it was going to come off wildly OOC, but once I got into the groove of writing this fic I had a lot of fun with it, and I can honestly say that I'm pretty proud of it. Here are the story specific notes I made while working on the fic, and once more, happy Christmas, Helen!
> 
> -when Todd pulls off his helmet and Dirk rears back and Todd thinks he might be about to be flame roasted, what is actually happening is that Dirk is going “oh no he’s hot”
> 
> -you bet that when Dirk says it was sweet of Todd to threaten him when he thought it was some guy who’d hurt Dirk and gets a little blushy he’s restraining the impulse to call him dashing again
> 
> -Dirk resting his head against Todd does not stop once he’s human full time, by the way, not remotely, he still rests his head against his shoulder all the time, and on his knee sometimes. Todd runs his hand through his hair every time
> 
> -when Dirk says “what’s in the bag” about Todd’s lute I internally went “what’s in the boooooooox” and might have mumbled it aloud if it were not in fact 2:20 am
> 
> -I viewed the street Todd takes Dirk to as looking like   
> [this](https://st2.depositphotos.com/1446904/8372/i/950/depositphotos_83720198-stock-photo-alleyway-in-the-town-of.jpg) and the lamps looking like [this](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/86/63/68/866368ff670fb95ad0be1d667e387509.jpg)
> 
> -in the scene where she reappears with the Rowdy Three, Amanda is wearing the same outfit that she does in Wendimoor in season two
> 
> -THE THING WHERE TODD WAKES UP TO DIRK’S ARM AROUND HIM IN THE CAVE AT NIGHT WAS COMPLETELY KLAUDIA’S IDEA IT WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA SHE IS VERY SMART GO FOLLOW HER @KLAUDIART ON TUMBLR
> 
> -I headcanon the person who would dismantle Blackwing after they trashed the place as Riggins, but I couldn’t think of a good way to insert him into the story properly, so headcanon it stays
> 
> -I am unrepentant about the amount of references to other fantasy things in here, as well as the Star Wars one, which is often regarded as space fantasy, so I'm taking that and running with it
> 
> -finally, I feel like [this image](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DN4q3auWAAIa48T.jpg) is a great summary of the fic from Todd's point of view, I found it about halfway through working on the fic and it felt very apt


End file.
